


A Certain Chemistry - The Aftermath

by adaemonie



Series: A Certain Chemistry [2]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-21
Updated: 2016-10-26
Packaged: 2018-08-16 14:08:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8105347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adaemonie/pseuds/adaemonie
Summary: Cosima never really had been a party person. However, one night, when she agrees to go out with her cousin Felix, she's faced with a blonde haired beauty that is quite captivating. // Continuation of a One Shot under the title "A Certain Chemistry" // Most likely won't ever finish this I'm sorry //





	1. Advice

**Author's Note:**

> Despite my warning that I proably won't finish this story, a suprising amount of people were interested in the other chapters I wrote, so I'll put them up here as well. This story is the continuation of a first chapter that I posted as a One Shot. You should really read that one before reading these! 
> 
> Anway, have fun! If I shuould ever continue this, I'll upload the chapters as well. But I can't promise anything.

During the whole lesson, Cosima averted her gaze to the flat and polished desk in front of her. She felt like her cheeks were on fire and she just plead for the ground to open up below her and swallow her whole.  
_I've gotten myself into very deep shit._ She told herself. _Oh Jesus, what do I do, what do I do? Abort mission, abort…_

To make it even worse, Delphine – or, her new chemistry teacher Dr. Cormier, like Cosima had to remind herself – talked most of the lesson, trying to introduce herself to the students and to get to know something about the teens in front of her. However, Cosima couldn't get the memory of how the blonde's voice sounded when it moaned her name, with this cute little French accent…

And suddenly, there wasn't only this heat in her cheeks, but also an inappropriate other type of heat inside of her body when pictures flashed through her mind, of well-formed breasts, and smooth white skin…

 _Damn it, she's your teacher, Cos!_ She reminded herself. _Get it together, Niehaus._  
It would take her forever to get over this, if she would be able to do so at all. Which she actually highly doubted. She needed a person to talk to about this, and she needed that person now.

Quickly, she came to the conclusion that it would be the dumbest thing on the whole planet to tell Cal or Scott, so she decided, with a certain bitterness, that her only option would be to message Felix directly after class. She was an emotional mess right now, what made her only realize again that she could maybe actually need a couple of female friends in her life.

She buried the thought in her head and tried to focus on the lesson, to somehow cast a glance at the teacher she had… actually had a hot one night stand with the last weekend. She just couldn't do this!

Her inner struggle, however, didn't went unnoticed by the boys on either side of her. Both Cal and Scott where used to Cosima being overly cheerful and very focused (well, focused enough to actually get a straight A), but today, she had just cast down her glance and tried to hide behind her dreadlocks.  
To Cosima it felt like an eternity until the class was finally over. Hurriedly she packed her stuff, not caring about the speed in which Cal and Scott did so.

"Where are you goin'?" Scott shouted after her when she practically fled out of class like a deer that had been caught in the headlights of an approaching truck, frozen in motion, only for the car to stop right in front of it and make it realize in what situation it was in.

"Restroom." She vaguely retorted and sprinted down the hallway and, just like she said, into the ladies restroom. She barely spotted out of the corner of her eye how Delphine's eyes where fixed on her, a strange and unknown expression in them.

Cosima locked herself inside of one of the cabins and leaned against the wooden door. Her heartbeat was quicker than usual, and she wasn't sure if the cause of it had been her sprint down the hallway or the fact that she had been faced with her one night stand as her new teacher.  
With her hands slightly shaking, she pulled out her mobile phone and texted Felix as fast as she could.

_Hey Fee, I'm in some deep shit. Need your help._

She only had to wait as long as it took for her to catch her breath until her phone beeped. Even though Felix could be a little carless sometimes, and ignorant, when you really needed him, he was there.

_What's it? Spill your guts, nerdy._

_Guess what. The girl I slept with was at my school today. But not in my class or something. She's my_ motherfucking new chemistry teacher _and I just don't know what to do right now it's just so…_

Cosima sighed and hit send when she realized that there wasn't any existing word to describe her feelings. Confusion? Fear? Embarrassment? She wasn't sure.

 _Wait, what?_ Came Felix answer, only a micro second later. Helpful.  
_Are you serious? Like, really? I thought this only happens at bad lesbian TV shows like the l-word or something._ Arrived another message, soon after the first one.

 _Yes I am and hey that show is awesome._  
Cosima couldn't suppress a grin spreading on her features. Even though the situation wasn't funny at all, actually. Okay, maybe a little.

_Whatever. So that mysterious girl is your teacher? Not sure if that's awkward or kinda sexy._

Cosima choked on her own spit.

_Fee, you're impossible._

Cosima waited for a few minutes, but she didn't receive any further messages. She came to the conclusion that, even though the situation was fucked up, she couldn't hide inside the restroom forever, even though she might have just come to that conclusion because it was a little smelly in here, she wasn't sure.  
Cosima unlocked the door and walked over to one of the sinks. She mustered her face in one of the mirrors; her thickly framed glasses, her big eyes, her rather small nose with the piercing she loved like crazy and her dreadlocks which were tied into the usual pony tail.

On this day, she had chosen to go with a rather wide, smooth and silken kind of poncho-thingy that made her look even more like some kind of nerdy hippie like she usually did. She was sure that everyone who met her knew that she liked to smoke pot, only because of her appearance, but that was okay with her.  
She turned on the water and splashed a bit of it into her face, carefully, to not hit the glasses on her nose. Cosima felt instantly better, a bit more calm, even though still very restless.

Cosima left the ladies restroom, only to be greeted by Cal and Scott who waited in front of the door, worried expressions plastered upon their faces.

"Everything okay, hippie?" Cal tried to ask in a mocking tone, but Cosima still thought his worry was obvious like a blank page of paper.

"Yeah." She tried to reply as cheerfully as she could muster. "Just felt a little sick, thought I might actually, you know, say hi to my breakfast again, but thankfully, it was false alarm and stuff.."

She waved her hand in the air in an attempt to underline her words. And even though Scott didn't seem too convinced, he seemed to accept her words.

"Do you wanna leave?" Scott asked, adjusting his own glasses. "I could give you a ride home and all, if you like."

"No, it's okay." She turned his offer down when her mobile phone vibrated in her pocket again. She pulled it out and looked at the message Felix had send her.

_I'll be at your place around 4pm. I'll grab some coffee. We've to talk about this in person. Gtg now, Cos. Love ya._

"Alas" She added after she read the message of her cousin. "Felix is coming over this afternoon, he'll take care of me."

"If you say so.", Cal answered in a sharp tone. Cosima knew he wasn't angry, even though it sounded like he was – he was just worried about her, and that was the way he showed his concern.

"Believe me. He'll make his special tea for me and he'll cook for me and stuff." Cosima smiled at the two boys. "Remember that time I was awfully sick in the seventh grade? Fee took care of me back then, he'll do fine. He's the best cousin in the world."

 

* * *

 

Later, after school, Cosima nearly couldn't contain her excitement. She was waiting anxiously for Felix to arrive, so many things on her mind that needed to be said and that needed to be said _now._

After what seemed like an eternity, the doorbell rang and Cosima practically ran down the stairs in an attempt to reach the door before her mother would, which ended with her nearly crashing into her mother who was already opening the front door.

"Hey, Fee." Her mother said, slightly surprised. "Cosima didn't tell me you would be coming over today. It's nice to see you."

Felix grinned and placed the three coffee-to-go-cups on the stand next to the door before he tightly hugged Cosima's mother and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"It's so nice to see you." He smiled. Someone who didn't know Felix might have mistaken his actions for a put up act, but he really was quite fond of his aunt. Something Cosima didn't quite understand, but maybe that was because there are always conflicts between parents and their children. "I brought you a cup of coffee, too. Your favourite."

Cosima was barely able to held back a chuckle. He had such a clichéd british accent, it always made her happy when he said words like _favourite, colours_ and so on.

"Thank you, dear." Cosima's mother said, grabbing the cup with the d for decaffeinated on it from the stand. "Whatever, I've got work to do. Furniture doesn't build itself. I'll leave you two darlings alone, if you need anything, you know where to find me."

"Alright." Cosima sighed, her thoughts suddenly redirected to the events of the day. She felt her stomach tighten with this sick feeling again. "Thanks, mum."

With that, Cosima's mother turned around and left through the kitchen into the garden, where her studio was.

When Cosima turned to face Felix, she was faced with a critical gaze.

"Grab your coffee, Niehaus. There are important matters to discuss."

"Jerk." With that, she did as he said and they placed themselves on the couch in the living room. Cosima lay her feet on the small coffee table – something she always did when there was something on her mind – to keep her legs from bobbing up and down, a nervous habit of hers.

"So, hottie is your new chemistry teacher." Felix deadpanned, taking a sip from his coffee. "You're fucked, Cos. Both metaphorically and literally."

"I know." Cosima sighed and burried her face in her hands. "It's so awkward. Like, I had to try during the whole lesson how her voice sounded when we, you know…"

"Did the fricle-fracle, I guess." Felix said. "Well. What do you want to do now?"

"I don't know, Fee. I really don't know." Cosima's voice trembled. She wasn't sure if it was going to break or if she was going to cry –not because she was sad or anything, she just felt so exhausted and desperate. "I thought I could maybe, like, I don't know, talk to her, but that would be really really awkward. Or I could ignore everything what happened and act like everything would be fine and I wouldn't have to think about her moaning or anything and if her eyes wouldn't drive me mad…"

"You've got the hots for her quite bad, what?"

"Yes, no, I don't know!" Cosima started to play with the ends of her dreads. "You know, if she wouldn't have been introduced as my new teacher today, I think I would've, kinda, looked for her at the next party or something, maybe exchange numbers, go out together and stuff… But because everything is like… _this_ I just don't motherfucking know what to do. I need your help, Fee."

"Well, if I should help you, you have to decide in which direction you want all this to go." Her cousin answered slowly, a sly grin on his face. "You can choose if you want to ignore what happened, or if you want to talk to her about it and end it, or if you want to – my favourite option, by the way – get her to want you even more."

Cosima groaned. She wasn't sure in which direction she wanted all this to go. She was quite sure that she wasn't the right person for this whole student-teacher-secret-affair-thing, but when she remembered the French accent, her big eyes and wavy blonde hair, and the way Delphine's – or rather Ms,Cormier's, she remembered bitterly – lips had felt against her own, she wasn't sure about it.

"Maybe we could just, I don't know. Make up a plan that includes to wait what further acts she'll decide on and just play along with it?" Cosima suggested. "Something neutral."

"Alright." Felix rolled his eyes which seemed more dramatic due to the fact that he had used eyeliner again. "Then I'd suggest you to take the following steps…"

 

* * *

 

The next chemistry lesson came faster than Cosima could prepare. However, the plan she had made up with Felix somehow helped her to regain some of her composure. She participated during the lesson, not as much as usual, though, and tried to avoid 's eyes, and even though she felt like she was on the verge of a heart attack she was proud of how well she was doing.

Scott and Cal weren't aware of the difference in her kind of acting, they just made the usual jokes while Cosima was caught in the way her teachers blonde hair waved. So she didn't really pay attention until Scott whispered "Damn, she's hot, isn't she?"

She turned her gaze to her nerdy friend and raised a brow at him.

"What?" He asked, his voice a faint whisper just like it had been before. "Don't you agree? I mean, you as a lesbian…"

"Dude, she has the hots for her… don't you realize?" Cal interrupted their talk, a grin plastered on his face while he proudly rubbed his beard, which gave him a smudge expression.

"Shut up, you two!" Cosima tried to shush them, when suddenly seemed to become aware of their little group not paying attention.

"Ms. Niehaus." She said. Because of her accent, it sounded like Nie'aus, something Cosima found quite alluring. It made her stomach flutter like crazy. However, she wondered why she only spoke up to her?

"Yes, Dr. Cormier?" The brown haired girl gave her best to conceal her breaking voice. Her throat felt dry and somehow her head was unable to produce a single train of thought.

"I'd like to talk to you at the end of the lesson."


	2. Complications

_Oh my gosh, Cos, we're sorry._

The words on the paper were written in blue ink, the handwriting was messy with sharp edges, clearly this message was written by Scott. Cal's handwriting was more neat and compared to Scott's less edgy, and more floating.

_Shit happens, duh. So stay calm. I'm quite sure that it won't be that bad. She seems nice._

Somehow it was difficult to write an answer. It felt forced, heavy, as if the words wouldn't want to be in the form of letters on the paper. Maybe because she felt like she was lying?  
Cosima was sure of many things, and she was sure that she never before had felt this uncomfortable in her life like she did now. Her heart beat repidly in her chest, her throat was tight and she felt like she could pass out any minute. Cosima felt caged in like Delphine was a hunter and she was her prey.

The next time Scott slid the paper across the table, Cosima didn't even bother to read the answer Scott had written, she just crumbled the paper and stuffed it into the depths of her bag, sending Scott a death glare. She hoped he would understand that futher distraction would only make the situation worse for her.

During the last minutes of the lesson, Cosima fiddled with the ends of her dreadlocks in a desperate attempt to concentrate but it seemed like everything she had succeeded in before had been washed away by the words of her teacher. The words repeated in her head, over and over again, and she felt like they'd be her death sentence.

Feeling numb, Cosima barely registrated when the bell announced the end of the lesson and the students around her started to pack their things and leave. When Cal and Scott finally left the room, both sending apologetic glares over there shoulders, Cosima gathered all her strength and stood up - without shaking, a thing she was quite proud of - and walked towards Delph- Dr. Cormier's desk.  
With her hands burried in her pockets, Cosima send Dr. Cormier a questioning glance. The young, blonde haired teacher stood up as well, her chair making a screetching noise which was painfully loud in the silence of the room. Panicking, she waited for her teacher to speak.

"Could you please close the door, Ms. Niehaus?" Dr. Cormier asked and even though it wasn't the right situation for thoughts like this, Cosima again couldn't help but adore the french accent.

"Of course." Cosima answered and hurried over to close the door. It felt like digging her own grave.  
Fast, but not fast enough, she stood in front of her teachers desk again. Of course, she tried not to get distracted by her face but _damn_ , she couldn't shove the thought away of how much she'd like to kiss those pretty lips and ask Delphine out on a date.

"So, Ms. Niehaus..." Her teacher started. Cosima couldn't help the feeling that she was Delphine whenever she looked at her and just kinda turned into Dr. Cormier every time she spoke, like they were two different persons with one and the same face. "Do you have anything to say to defend yourself?"

"Not really..." Cosima returned shyly. Which was, when she thought of it, quite out of character. "I promise it won't happen again."

As soon as the words had left her mouth, Cosima wasn't sure if she was still talking about what happened a few minutes ago or about what happened last saturday.

"Is that so?" Ms. Cormier asked, one of her rather dark brows raised and an expression in her eyes that Cosima didn't quite understand but that somehow made her stomach flutter again.

"I think so?" Even though it had been meant as a statement, it somehow came out as a question. Cosima felt the strong urge to slap herself for being such a dork, but that would have made her seem even dorkier - if that was even a word.

Dr. Cormier didn't say anything, she just walked around her table, causing Cosima to turn around as well. Her teacher was now standing right in front of her, and she had her back turned to the desk. She felt like the blonde, tall and long-leged woman was a hunter, and she was her prey, unable to escape.

"So, what measurements do you think I should take?" asked. There was a seriousness in her tone and an expression in her eyes that made Cosima shiver.

"Is that really necessary?" The girl with the dreadlocks answered, surprised about the fact that the question came out this calm. "I mean, things like that happen all the time... Wouldn't... erm... be a simple warning enough?"

"If a simple warning would be enough, it wouldn't happen all the time." Her teacher deadpanned and came even closer. The brunette couldn't deny that the other woman was right. This woman was driving Cosima mad and there wasn't any way she could help it.

"I guess that's a point..." Cosima whispered an answer, even though she was quite sure that it wasn't required. She couldn't stand the silence in combination with Delphine being this close and smelling this nice... _Wait, what? Get your shit together, pothead!_

"I'm sorry, I didn't quite understand that." said and took - _oh my goodness_ \- another step closer. "Could you please repeat it?"

But Cosima couldn't. Her breath came out a little heavy and her throat felt dry and tight. There wasn't even a step distance inbetween them, and if Cosima would've streched her hand out a few centimeters, she would already be able to _touch_ the blonde haired beauty in front of her. She was ashamed to admit that all of these feelings were the result of a sudden, very sexual tension in the air... _No, not sudden._ Cosima corrected herself. _It has been there ever since._

She didn't know how it happend, or exactly _what_ happened, but suddenly her hands were up at her teacher's collar, dragging the older woman closer until there lips crushed together. It was like her brain had a sudden malfunction and her body would act on his own.  
The moment their lips met it felt so right. Like that kiss was meant to happen. And for a faint moment, Cosima didn't regret anything - until her brain kicked in. This wasn't right, it was wrong. She wasn't kissing anyone, she was kissing her teacher. Inside the classroom. During school hours. _What the fuck is wrong with me!?_

Cosima decided to break this kiss, to pull away, in an attempt to not make things worse than they already were. But as soon as she had made that decision, Delphine's hands appeared around her waist and she was rather forcefully pressed against the desk behind her back. Her brain stopped working again and Cosima's body took control. She deepened the kiss and tried to pull Delphine even closer which caused the blonde to moan into their kiss. The tiny noise of desire send shivers through Cosima's body and washed away the last bit of rationality in Cosima's mind.

When they broke the kiss for air, however, both of them returned to reality. Delphine's eyes widened in shock and realization and Cosima was convinced that she was mirroring that expression. The French woman backed away with a speed that nearly seemed supernatural and turned around in an attempt to break the eye contact with her student.

For a few moments, there was utter silence in the room. Cosima heard her breath, heavy like before, and she was also able to make out the noise of her teacher's breath, even though they were a few meters apart. With her eyes fixed on the back of Delphine's white shirt Cosima waited, frozen in place, for what would happen now.

After an eternity, spoke.

"Get. Out."

Cosima had never left a room quicker before.

 

* * *

 

Again, Cosima found herself in the girl's restroom. She closed the lid of the toilet and sat down. She felt like a puppet whose strings had been cut off as her head rolled looseley against the wall behind her back.

"Oh god what have I done." She muttered to herself. "Shit, shit, _shit_!"

She bumbed her head against the wall with as much force as she could muster. She had read in an article that inflicting pain to someone in an uncontrollable emotional state would help them to come down again, so maybe it would help.

Cosima closed her eyes and tried to breathe normally again. A few moments ago, her breath had been heavy because of the heat, now it was because of desperation. She couldn't carry on like this! After the plan she had made up together with Felix, she had been convinced the problem would've been somewhat solved at least, but now it was even worse. She wouldn't survive the year like this and dropping out of chemistry wasn't even an option.

"I'm in some deep shit."

Suddenly, someone knocked against the wooden stoolwall on her right.

"Hey, is everything alright?" A voice asked. It sounded friendly and honestly worried.

"Yeah I guess so." Cosima hurriedly answered. She wasn't used to toilette talk, and she wasn't used to nice strangers. Everyone at this High School was either an asshole or didn't mind other people's buisness, both in a positive and in a negative way.

"Well, it didn't sound like that before." The girl on the other side of the wall replied dryly. "So don't lie to me. You sound troubled. May I asked what happened?"

 _What a stalker._ Cosima thought. Still... the other girl was somehow sympathic?

"It's nothing, really." Cosima tried again, playing with her dreadlocks.

"Well, If you won't tell me, I'll just guess what it might be." Now the other girl sounded stern. In a nice way, though.

Apparently, she was waiting for Cosima to reply. When no reply came, the other girl sighed and finally spoke again.

"Are you pregnant?" She asked directly.

"Gods, _no!_ " Cosima nearly screamed. "I'm like really gay."

"Is that the reason for your distress?" The girl asked. Why was she so geniuely concerned? And why did she speak in such an elobarte way? She couldn't remember to have ever heard someone use the word _distress_ outside of english class in this school. 

"No..." Cosima tought about her answer. "Well, actually, yes. This all wouldn't have happened if I was straight as a board, you know?"

"Can I help you somehow?" Came the answer. "If you need someone to talk to or anything, I'd volunteer."

"Thanks for the offer." Cosima sighed. That stranger behind the stoolwall somehow had really helped her to feel a bit better, and less tense. Also, the other girl was amazingly open minded. Not many people took a lesbian next to their stall on a public toilet this calm - sadly. "And thank you for everything... What's even your name?"

"I'm Allison, Alison Hendriks." The girl - Alison - replied.

"And I'm Cosima Niehaus." Cosima smiled to herself. "You sound like you'd be in one of the upper classes, but I never heard your name. That's somehow strange, with this school being so small and stuff. Are you the new student everyone has been talking about last week? Rumors go around here like bushfire."

Alison laughed shyly. "Yeah, I'm the new one. I suck at making friends, though, and everyone has been staring at me like I was some kind of alien, so yeah... I hid in the toilet." Another laughter came from the other stool. "I'm kinda proud though that I even managed to find the restroom. This school is like a labyrinth."

Quickly, Cosima processed what the other girl had said. She sounded really nice and maybe it was a good idea to try to befriend her? Alison hadn't been repulsed like most of the other girls when she heard that Cosima was gay and there wasn't even the slightest change in her behavior. Also the way she had cared about Cosima spoke for her.

"Well, I could show you around, if you'd like?" She finally offered. "I have to warn you. Me and my friends, we're not really popular so to speak, so it might not be helpful for leaving a good impression in front of everyone else."

"I don't care to befriend with people who are outcasting others." Answered Alison in an unexpected stern and harsh tone. She sounded dedicated and confident in herself and her decisions. Which was a rather good quality in people - something that Cosima quite admired. "Whatever. I'd like to speak to you face to face, also this restroom smells like something died in here. So let's get out."

_Yeah, quite dedicated._

"Sounds like a great idea."

While Cosima got up, she heard how the door next to her was unlocked and rather violently opened. Hurriedly she took her bag and unlocked her own door.

The restroom was empty, regardless of a girl with brown hair - quite the same shade of brown as Cosima's - that was tied up in a ponytail infront of a sink, her back facing to Cosima. That must be Alison.  
Cosima took her time to examine the other girl's clothing - a rather old-fashioned blouse and a simple jeans, a pair of sneakers on her feet and a cardigan drapped over a plain schoolbag - while she also went to a sink and started washing her hands. Alison seemed like she'd be a clean-freak, so Cosima guessed it was the right thing to do, even if she hadn't used the toilet.

When she was finished, she finally turned to face Alison, who was mirroring her movements.

The second she lay her eyes on Alison's face however, Cosima realized that the other girl wasn't only a mirror of her previous movements but also somehow a mirror of her _in general_.

Both girls stared at each other, wide-eyed, taking in what was infront of them. A girl, with a different hairstyle, different kinds of clothes, different make-up but _with the same fucking face._

 _As if my life wouldn't be complicated enough at the moment._ Cosima thought with bitterness.

"So you're Cosima?" Alison finally spoke. It was a useless comment, but in this situation, there was really nothing useful to be said.

"And I take it that you are Alison?" Cosima just replied. The other girl nodded quickly, still wide-eyed. "Well great that we've solved this but how does it come that we have the same face?"


	3. Clones

"Oh damn." Alison said. She didn't seem as surprised as Cosima, but instead she seemed to be a little… upset? "I didn't think I'd meet you here."

"Wait." Cosima's head was spinning. What was going on!? And why was Alison so calm about it? "So you thought you'd meet me somewhere else?"

"Well, not exactly you." Alison replied. God, why was she being so mysterious?

"Could you _please_ talk a little more clear to me?" Cosima answered anxiously. "Can you imagine how confusing this is for me? And why isn't this confusing for you as well? Argh, this is insane!"

"Okay okay." Alison seemed stern again. Her answer came out harsh, maybe a bit harsher than she actually intended to make it sound, but somehow that helped Cosima to calm down a little. "Of course I can imagine it. I was in your situation after all as well. Do you have the next lesson off? It'll take a lot of time to explain."

Cosima shook her head, unsure of what to say. Which was totally not her style. Was all of this messing so much with her head that she wasn't even able to stay true to herself?

"Me neither, but fuck it." Alison concluded with dedication. Somehow the formulation _fuck it_ seemed very wrong coming from her lips. "Let's go somewhere else. Some place where we don't have to fear that someone bursts in or a teacher might find us. Do you know such a place?"

Cosima didn't have to think long about it. She nodded and then told Alison to just follow her.

"Why am I not surprised at all about this?" She heard the other girl with _her face_ mutter beside her. Cosima decided that not only this situation was weird as hell, but also that girl in the conservative clothes next to her was hella weird as well. And she decided that she would take the rest of the school day off after her talk with Allison. She needed a break.

They spend the whole walk in silence. Not in this comfortable kind of silence, though, where you are just glad to have the other person around you and the feeling they give you and you just don't have the urge to talk. It was an uncomfortable silence, one that you could've cut with a knife. Cosima hated that kind of silence with all of her being. She detested the way it made her tense up in her spine and somehow let her flight instincts kick in. That was also the reason why she tended to ramble. She would rather ramble and talk about trash, and risk annoying the other person, rather than enduring this kind of silence.

However, she didn't know what to say or to do at all in her current situation. She was confused and curious and upset and so many things more that she didn't even know what all the emotions exactly were that raced through her head like the cars in _Fast 'n Furious_.

They only passed a few people in the hallway, some of them were staring at them. Which was understandable of course, because they had the _freaking same face_. One of Cosima's classmates actually stopped to say in a confused tone "I didn't know you had a twin, Niehaus." Only to be greeted with an answer that seemed to confuse him even more: "Me neither."

Finally, they reached their dedication. It was a staircase down in the direction of the cellar, a hidden place only a few students knew and not even all of the teachers where aware of. The place was dusty and a little bit dark, regarding to the fact that nobody didn't bother to build in a lamp because the staircase was only needed maybe twice in a year when someone had to check on the boilers.

They sat down on the staircase. Alison hesitated a moment, pulling a face at the dust on the stairs. _Yep, a clean freak. Like I thought. Eugh._

"Now tell me what's going on." Cosima demanded. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to hear the answer though.

"Alright. But I'd like you to stay quiet until I'm finished. Okay? I don't like being interrupted, most likely when it's about this topic." Alison said. As an answer, Cosima stayed silent. This would be answer for this question enough. "So.. there are more people like us."

Cosima felt the strong urge to ask something, but she just tried to bite it back. _This all sucks balls_ , she decided.

"Until now, I know of four people like you and me. We all have… the same face, as you put it… But not only that. It's not like we'd have the same biological parents or something, or are sextuples who were separated by birth like in some shitty child's novel… In fact we also have the same DNA. We're clones."

"Wait, you mean like this sheep? What was its name? Dolly I think?" Cosima burst out. This had to be a dream. She'd wake up at any minute now, and hurry out of her room as fast as she could because she overslept again…

"No interruptions." Allison reminded coldly. "But yeah, like that sheep but in a higher quality. It was – as much as we know – a secret project of the government, and still is."

"And you say you know four other people like you and me?" Cosima whispered. She felt like she was part of a Sci-Fi novel.

"Yeah. We call ourselves – and I _dare_ you to laugh – the 'Clone Club'." Alison returned. "And I guess you'd like to know their names – Beth, Katja, Sarah and Rachel. Rachel started this whole stuff – she always knew she was a clone, according to her she was and is the only, so-called 'self aware clone'. And one day she decided she wanted to find out how we, the other clones, were doing… And she ended up bursting into my life like I now burst into yours."

"Are there more of us?" Cosima's voice was dry, just like her throat and her mood. This was fucked up.

"Apparently. Considering that I just met you… I wonder why Rachel didn't tell me about you." Alison furrowed her brows. Cosima wondered if she looked like this as well when she did that.

"Maybe she didn't know either?" Cosima suggested, scratching the back of her head.

"Actually that wouldn't make any sense." Alison deadpanned dryly. "You know, she read all the stuff they have written down about us."

"They?" Cosima's confusion became even greater.

"Yes, _they_." Alison said. She sounded like a secret agent on a secret mission. Maybe the mission to not give a fuck about this. "I mean the organization that… made us. It's the DYAD institute."

"Wait a sec… _DYAD_?" The DYAD instituted was a well and widely known institute which only purpose was (or at least that's what everyone thought) to find a cure for every kind of illnesses. They came up with medications and ways of therapy for cancer, leper and all that other stuff that was really, really bad. There had been one or two scandals about DYAD, mainly caused by Leekie, who was somehow convinced that the DYAD institute would create the path for a new type of humanity that was supreme even though there wasn't any evidence that-  
It hit Cosima like a brick. _That's what he's been talking about! The cloning! They tried to somehow breed that supreme human race and we're maybe a demo version of it. Wait, quit the IT language._

"Yep, DYAD." Alison replied with raised brows after Cosima had been silent for a while. She seemed like she'd think Cosima's brain had just died. "You heard about them?"

"Yeah. They somehow work also on the stuff I want to work with later, so… I considered working there."

"Well, according to what you learned just now, that would be an even better idea." Alison said thoughtfully. "They're observing us anyway – so, yeah, that's what I forgot to mention. Be careful and don't tell anybody about this if you're not sure they're completely trustworthy."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well, they pay someone in your life money so they give them information about you." Alison explained. Cosima thought she did that way too slow, as if she'd think that Cosima would be a little bit too dump to follow her words. Alison confused her – on the one hand, she cared about her when no one else did but on the other, she acted like Cosima was dumb. _Maybe that's what they mean with tsundere in all these animes that Cal loves so much?_ "These people are called monitors. Of course they don't tell them why they have to do that. I guess most people won't even ask, according to how much DYAD most likely pays them. Money is the perfect way to silence everyone."

"Well, than it's great that I don't really have too many friends or family members." Cosima answered with a wide grin. "It minimizes the risk."

"That's true. But still, be careful – it's probably the person you trust the most." Alison absentmindedly stared into the air, before continuing. "Well, however it would be a great idea to work there. You could send them false information on a daily basis if you'd do it secretly enough and you could use your privileges to find out what exactly it is that they want out of this project."

"So that's kinda the big secret no one knows?" Cosima concluded. "What exactly they're observing us for?"

"Well, of course that's the big question. And we still don't know what's the reason they even made this project. That's the big secret actually." Alison smoothed out the folds in her skirt. _Like a student from a catholic girls school. Eww._

"In a few months, there will be a job project." Cosima started slowly, thoughtfully. "We have to work somewhere for a month and figure out if that would be a job and/or workspace for us… maybe I should just go to DYAD then? See what I can get the hang on? Even if I don't think that'll be much actually."

"That sounds like a good idea." Alison replied. She sounded surprised, something that wasn't actually flattering at all for Cosima.

"I hold a lot of surprises." Cosima simply said, shaking the comment off.

 

* * *

 

When Cosima returned home, her mother wasn't anywhere to be found. She wasn't quite sure why she had looked for her in the house and in her workplace. She wouldn't be able to ask her anything, she knew that. Not only because Alison had told her not to, but also because she had the feeling that she wouldn't like the answers she would get out of that dialogue. Was she adopted? Or did they just implant her cells, the cloned cells, into her mother?

Also, Cosima couldn't forget about that monitor thing. Someone in her life was surveying her, writing down every information they figured out as interesting, and passed it on to an institute that probably tended to not even see her as a person but only as the result of a scientific project.

Cosima placed herself on the couch in the living room and turned on the TV. As expected, there was nothing on at the moment that was interesting to watch. Switching the channels, she was greeted with cooking shows and teleshopping programs, something about women who wanted to lose weight and a high amount of dating shows.  
After a while, she settled with the child's program. A show was on that she knew out of her childhood – the fairly odd parents. She knew every episode but still loved to re-watch it again and again. The puns in the show where often so subtle that she hadn't understood many of them when she was little, but now she did.

Cosima waited for the advertisement break to get up and make herself a cup of coffee in the kitchen, grabbing a package with cookies and a blanket as well. She got herself comfortable on the couch again, wrapping the blanket tightly around her form.

She sat there for a while and found herself not able to pay attention to the show. Again, her mind was racing and circling around a mixture of thoughts about Delphine and the Clone Club.

She got out her mobile phone and went through her contacts. Alison had given her her number earlier and was the first contact in her list (which was a short list actually) and she opened a new message.

_Hey, mind if I ask for the numbers of the other girls?_ She typed. Cosima stared at the words until they lost the meaning they held, as if she'd suddenly forget how to read. She hit send.

After a few seconds, an answer came.

_No, I figured you'd ask sooner or later. I'll tell them about you first, if that's okay._

_Alright. I'll wait._

This was too much for her to handle. The whole shit with Delphine, who just managed to be the most beautiful and perfect human being she had ever met, but who also had ended up only being a one night stand and now her motherfucking teacher.

And then the whole shit that she was the result of an experiment, a clone. She wondered if that made her any less special, or if that made her less worth than other human beings. Girls who all looked like her, who had nearly the same voice, who sported the same facial features. She wondered if they also had some character traits in common. After all, some of the character was designed by the DNA, given by birth, predestined.

Cosima had always wondered how much of herself had been given to her pre-birth and how much was due to the things she went through, and how much was… _just there._ The whole nature-or-nurture-debate. She would get her answers now, but now that they were near, she wasn't sure she even wanted to have them. Some things better stayed secret.

_Here, there contact dates. As promised._ A message of Allison popped up on her phone, a list of names with numbers was send as well - Cosima immediately saved all of them. She had no intention of directly sending them text messages. The dreadlocked girl knew that it would be too much for her, already was.  
But, she decided, it would be a great idea to look them up on the internet.

Cosima turned off the TV, the last thing she registered was Timmy's dad who had the lower half of a bird. She left her cup and the blanket, as well as the cookies, on the table and went upstairs.

As soon as she had turned on her laptop, she logged in on facebook. She stared at the search bar for a moment, before she typed the first name into it. _Alison Hendriks._

A profile popped up. The header image was a photograph, obviously taken at and theater project in which Alison seemingly had participated as the main role. Her facial expressions were professional, perfect, just as her pose. It was strange to see kind of herself on the stage, looking like this. _Is this what I look like to other people? Do I sometimes frown like this as well?_

The profile picture looked just like a normal, usual selfie. She looked so… well-behaved. It made Cosima sick.

She send the girl a friend request. Not really subtle, of course, and if someone was surveying their accounts, it wouldn't be a good idea, but she figured out that Alison wouldn't accept it if there was anything to worry about.

The next name was _Sarah Manning._ And even though Cosima already knew that they had the same face, she was still surprised to see it. It somehow caused a nauseous feeling inside of her stomach.

Sarah seemed like someone Cosima would hang out with, though, unlike Alison. Cosima had been afraid that maybe all of the other clones were dressed as conservative as Alison and had a character just as stern. But now, she was positively surprised. The girl had a long mane of curly hair and one side of her head was firmly braided to create a sidecut-like look. Some strands of her hair were highlighted with different tones of blonde and brown. In her profile picture, she wore a Tanktop with holes in it and another Top underneath, as well as a lot of bracelets and a tight, black jeans combined with doc martens. Actually, you could pretty much say that she was one of these alternative hipsters, but something about her made it seem like she was honestly sporting that style (maybe it was just Cosima's imagination, she wasn't sure - after all, the girl was just like her. Maybe she just had the underlying urge to _like herself_? If that made any sense).

What confused Cosima, was that she and Sarah had a few Facebook friends in common. She clicked on the link, only to be greeted with Felix Facebook account. What was the meaning of this!? Why hdn't Felix told her anything?

She stared at his small icon before she finally decided to forget about it and continue her search.

The next name she typed in was Beth Childs, but the search results stayed empty. Maybe Beth was just a nickname? She tried again, this time with Elizabeth, and boom, the account appeared.

Beth seemed to be quite the sports freak. Many pictures were of her running marathons or playing soccer or tennis. A few of her timeline posts suggested that she wanted to become a cop, something Cosima couldn't quite understand because, come on, their justice system sucked balls.

The profile of Rachel Duncan, however, was a bigger shock. Her hairstyle was… not so much Cosima's style, to put it, and she looked like she was very convinced of herself. According to her info, she had a high level education on one of the best private schools in the whole country and wanted to study in Havard. _Oh well, set your goals high_.

Cosima would've adored her for the intelligence, if she didn't found her face to be quiet… unappealing. Seriously. She decided that she'd never cut her hair short. Or dye it blonde, for that matter. 

Now that there was nothing to do, Cosima ended up staring at her laptops display and let her mind wander. Like she couldn't control it, she typed another name in.

_Delphine Cormier_

She found exactly one facebook page, the one she had hoped for and also not hoped for at the same time.  
The profile picture exceeded all her expectations. It was a picture of Delphine in a wide, grey mustered top that somehow managed to make her skin stand out and underline her protruding collar bones. Her hair was blonde and curly as always and framed her face. Her eyes sparkled like diamonds, and her lips… they looked oh so kissable…

Her legs were clad in a black pair of jeans and in her arms she held a little kitten in her arm – as if all the rest about her wasn't perfect enough.

She looked through the information Delphine had given in her profile. Twenty-five years old, managed to end her education sooner than usual, won a dozen science prizes… Her favourite books were either written by scientists, philosophers, psychologists or people like Paulo Cohelo.

_Ugh. As if she wasn't more perfect than anyone else yet._ Cosima thought to herself. _Now let her at least have a shitty music taste. Please._

But nope, her taste in music was flawless as well. Agnes Obel, Lana del Rey, My Chemical Romance, A Day to Remember… mixed and even alternative, unlike anything Cosima had expected. She decided to stop expecting things of her because it wouldn't lead anywhere. This woman was going to be the death of her.

Everything was so fitting. If they'd be just able to talk more, there wouldn't only be the outside-attraction they shared, not only the wish to kiss each other and make love, but also a relationship on a different level, Cosima was sure of it. Well, at least that's what she wanted to think, actually.

Why did they end up s teacher and student, damn it? She would've loved to take Delphine out on a proper date, grab a coffee together and go for a walk in the forest to her favorite places… They could talk about scientific theories, about the way evolution worked and where it could or would take humanity, if humanity wasn't already killing itself in the way they dealt with the world…  
They could talk about Sartre's theory about the freedom of self-decision, about Epikur's views on death and why it was such a burden for mankind.

Before she realized it, tears were streaming down her face. The butterflies in her stomach had turned into a tightening knot that was now clenching her heart. Breathing became hard, painful, heavy.

_God, I'm so fucked up._ Cosima buried her face in her hands. _I'm crying about an illusion I crave to be real. An illusion that can never be real._

She pulled her legs up to herself on the chair and hugged them tightly.

_Why does it hurt so much? It never hurt like this…_

She sat there, silently crying, for quite a while. Her laptop long forgotten, until a facebook noise popped up.  
She turned her face up to look at her screen, but had to pause for a moment and wipe her eyes, which was quite difficult behind her glasses, which were stained with the salty liquid of her tears. Damn. Why was she the clone with the bad eyesight? 

When she was finally able to see everything proper again, she saw that she got a friend request. Even though she wasn't in the mood to deal with this shit right now, she clicked on the little notification, only to be greeted with a friend invitation of the person who had unknowingly caused her distress.

_**Delphine Cormier**_ **send you a friend request.**  
Accept  
Not now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah. This is how far I got with this story. I'm really sorry y'all. But I hope you still like it!   
> I'll let you know if there should be more but as I said, I doubt it, sadly.


	4. The Painting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god. I can't even believe that I actually managed this. Like really. I'm so surprised by myself, it's ridiculous!!  
> Anyway, I hope you like it. It kinda just... flowed out of my brain, if that makes any sense.  
> I still need to decide how to continue this, which is something I most likely will do after this chapter kinda... happened?
> 
> I really appreciated all of your reviews and kind comments, btw! Thank you so much for your support!

Cosima stared at the little pop-up for an eternity. This woman… her life was messing with her brain, wasn’t it? What was even the reason for this? Like what was she up to? It was not like what they had would bring them anywhere as long as they were teacher and student, and it’s not like it should… even if Cosima wished for it so badly.

She had often felt some kind of attraction towards girls, and she often had a crush on other girls, too. It hadn’t worked out, though. There had always been a problem. For example the girl she had a crush on had been straight, or not interested in her, or sooner or later they find out while they were dating that it just… wasn’t right.  
But damn. This time, it all felt so different, it all felt so new. The one night stand they had, all this attraction they had… It felt deeper than what she previously had, even though she knew less about Delphine than about her previous girlfriends.

After in few minutes during which Cosima tried to calm her breath, she finally decided to answer the request. For a moment, she let her mouse hover over the “Not now” button, before she finally clicked on “Accept”, not quite sure what had gotten into her.  
Maybe it was that crazy kind of feeling that she got when thinking about Delphine, she was in love with the future they could never even build up together. Thanks to the freaking age gap and the whole student-teacher-shit.

As quick as she possibly could, she closed the tab and turned her laptop off. She was afraid that Delphine would actually inbox her and that was something she couldn’t quite handle.

God, she needed to get her thoughts off of the topic of Delphine. She needed anything to distract her so her mind and heart would get a little bit of peace for at least a short amount of time.

For a moment, she stared into the air, before one of the topics she discussed with Alison popped into her head again. Well, it was not really a distraction, but it was at least something else to occupy her mind with.

Cosima opened the search bar and typed “DYAD institute” into it. Just like usual, Google showed her the results before she was even able to press enter. The deadheaded girl opened the page and scrolled through the information-section. The institute had written a short paragraph about what it stood for, as if not everybody would know that who regularly watched the news. She strolled through the pictures of the institute, a big building with a lot of windows, build in a modern, even futuristic style. The labs were just as modern as the building, with the newest and best equipment you could find around the whole world. _No wonder they were able to produce human clones before society would deem it possible._ Cosima thought, slightly bitter.

Finally, she found what she had been looking for all along – the contact data. She opened another tab, and started to type an application for the job-project that she would have to do in three months. Luckily, they did not require a picture of her, so maybe it would go unnoticed that she was one of their scientific projects. Even though Cosima highly doubted it – if they surveyed her every step, they would be well aware of whom she was. But maybe that will help me to get to work there, at least.

Also, she doubted that the institute was aware that now she was aware. That now she knew that she was a clone and there were multiple people with the same DNA as hers. So maybe, they’d be a little reckless and maybe she would be able to get to know more about all this. At least, she was kinda sure where she had to look – in the laboratory of Aldous Leekie. The thought made her even bitterer. After everything that she read and heard about Leekie, he was the last person she’d enjoy working with. All his theories about “upgrading the human evolution” made her want to puke. Of course, the idea itself was not bad, however, the way he put it made it sound utterly ridiculous. Also, Cosima was quite sure, that the methods this dude was ready to use were highly unethical and not at all legal – not as if she’d care about that aspect very much, but still. She wouldn’t want to know how many experiments had failed before the institute was able to clone her and the rest of her “sisters” or how many people or clones had died due to the experiments or because of the information they had about this top-secret project.

She ended her application with the wish to work for Leekie and how she was “really interested in his theories about human evolution and speeding up its process by using modern technologies to improve humanity”, which almost made her want to puke on her keyboard. She was glad, though, that no one could recognize a lie easily in a mail. She wasn’t a good liar.  
Without re-reading the text she just wrote, Cosima pressed send.  
She could really use a nap right now.

 

* * *

 

 

When she awoke again, she was greeted by her mother’s face, only a few centimeters away from her own. At first, Cosima wasn’t quite able to process what was happening. Her nap had been one of those were you fall asleep and wake up even more tired and disorientated than before.

“Dinner is ready, darling.”, she said with a smile. “I’ll prepare the table. Try to be awake enough to join me in five minutes.”

“Uh…”, Cosima replied. She took a while to process her mother’s words. It was already dinner time? “Thanks mum.”

Her mother gave her a quick kiss on the forehead. Then she left the room, only stopping by the door to smile at her daughter lovingly.  
Cosima wondered if her mother knew that something was up. And she wondered if she would confront her about it. She was quite a sensitive person who easily could tell what a person was feeling. Often she was very up-front about that and spoke to people about it. This trait was the reason why Cosima’s coming out had been both very weird and surprisingly easy.

With a low groan, she climbed out of bed and grabbed a jacket. She put on her house shoes, stretched and slowly got downstairs.  
In the living room, the table was already set. Cosima could make out a few splotches of paint on her mother’s neck – shades of green and red. It gave away that she had been working on a painting. Even more, on a new one. Cosima knew because well, the last painting didn’t contain these two colors. She wondered what it was. Usually her mother would tell her about what she was going to paint next, but she never even mentioned that she started a new painting.

Cosima took place on her chair and started to fill her plate – rice, vegetables and a curry sauce that smelled of coconut. It was one of her favorite meals.

“So, you started a new painting?”, Cosima finally spoke. She was waiting for her mother to fill her plate as well before she would start to eat.

“How do you know?”, her mum’s eyes widened in surprise. She looked like a child that had been caught while stealing cookies.

“You… um…”, Cosima grinned. “You have some paint on your neck. Greens and reds.”

“Oh!”, her mom exclaimed. “Well, yeah, I started a new one. It was actually a surprise for you… But it seems like I’m not good at that.”

“You’re making it for me?”, now Cosima was confused. Normally, her mother would only paint for exhibitions of people who ordered a painting. Sometimes she would make new ones for their interior when she found someone who bought one. Never before had she painted something for her. “May I ask what exactly it is?”

“Well… it’s finished by tomorrow anyway.”, she explained in between bites. “I’ll only have to make a few corrections then. If you’d like that, you could see it after we ate.”

“So you won’t tell me?”

“Like I said.”, her mother shrugged. “It’s supposed to be a surprise. And it’s not really a surprise when I tell you more about it besides the fact that it exists.”

“Don’t be so dramatic, mom.”, Cosima joked. Somehow it made her happy to know that her mother was painting something for her. She was a quite good artist with a unique style – she combined classical art with modern one. For example, she would draw an amazing, renaissance-style landscape but would draw different color squares instead of a regular sky. Sometimes, she would mix them so carefully and skillfully that you had to look very closely to see it. One of her most famous paintings, for example, was one of a naked woman sitting beside a small pond. If you’d be standing far away, you wouldn’t realize that she used only microscopic dots in different shades of colors to create the picture, and that she wasn’t even really mixing the colors most of the time but instead creating the tones with the differently colored dots, like a mosaic. It was called The Pondering Nymph. Her mom’s name had been in the news even because of that painting – Angela Niehaus, the artist of époques.

“But you seem like you’re hiding something as well, my dear.”, her mother finally stated, disrupting Cosima’s thoughts. “Is everything alright?”

“Uh, well…”, Cosima stared. Just make something up, you moron! “Well, I already told you about the job project at school, right?”  
Her mother just nodded as an answer.

“Well, I wrote an application today.”, she continued. Somehow, she wasn’t really in the mood to look her mother in the eye, so instead she started to shove around the food on her plate. “For the DYAD institute. But I’m scared that they won’t take me, you know?”

“The DYAD?”, her mother replied with a coked brow. “Oh, dear. I’ll bet they’ll take you. You know… I never told you this but… I had problems with conceiving. Your father and I, we… We were devastated. But a friend of your dad knew someone who worked there. And he said that they would be able to help. At first, we didn’t even consider trying it. But well, now, here you are…”

“Oh.”, Cosima replied. “Okay.”

 _So that’s how it happened._ , Cosima thought. She suddenly had a bitter taste in her mouth. _They took advantage of people like mum. Great._

“They’re a good company.”, her mother continued with a smile. “After all, you’re only here because of them. And I’m really glad that you are. They’ll probably recognize your name and take you in. So don’t worry about it.”

_Oh, I’m quite sure they’ll do just that._

“Thanks for telling me, mum.”

“Now, are you ready to see the painting?”

“More than just ready.”, Cosima laughed. She was glad for any kind of distraction that she could get. “I’m almost dying out of curiosity. Can’t you see?”

Her mother laughed when Cosima donned a dramatic expression and posture. She felt better now. But still… There was a bitter taste on her tongue that just didn’t want to leave.

They both got up and put away the dishes in comfortable silence. Well, besides the fact that Cosima’s mind was buzzing with thoughts. This day had been filled with too many unwelcome revelations. Too many things had happened that Cosima wouldn’t ever have expected to. However, it was somehow ironic. Her life had always been quite normal… Well, besides the fact that she grew up with a single mum. Her father had died when she was still too little to even remember his face. And of course, it was a little weird to live with a mum who was a famous artist.

However, with all these revelations, her life had become crazy from one day to the other. Not only was she romantically involved (in some way at least) with a teacher but she was a fucking illegal clone. Who on this goddamn planet would believe anything of that if she would tell them? Right, no one. Not that she really was planning on telling someone anyway, but still.

They left the house through the veranda door. As soon as they were outside, the lights in the garden went on. They walked across the garden. Cosima could feel that the ground was slightly wet even through her shoes. It must have rained some during her nap.

Her mother opened the padlock on the door of the small shed that was her atelier. She let Cosima enter first, who walked in with shaky steps. It was dark inside and her eyes hadn’t yet adjusted to the darkness inside. Before they even got the chance to do so, her mum flicked the light switch.

For a moment, Cosima was blinded by the bright light. Then, she was overwhelmed by the painting that rested on the easel in the middle of the room.

It was a painting of her. Well, not really her, but a more artistic version of her. Cosima figured it was the way her mother saw her, with the eyes of a mother who wished for a child so bad that she still, years after her birth, couldn’t keep her happiness about it at bay.

The painting showed her standing on a clearing in a thick forest. Even from her distance, Cosima could see how much love her mother had put into the details, how carefully every leaf was painted and how perfectly every shade of green had been mixed. And god, there were many of those! It gave the painting depth, a depth that almost made it seem real. As if you were looking through a window and not at a painting. Cosima could spot flowers and mushrooms in the mass of greens, tree stumps… However, everything had been painted to lead the focus of the viewers eyes directly onto the person – her – that was standing on the clearing. Her hair was put up in the usual ponytail. Her posture somehow gave the drawn version of herself a kind of grace that she felt she didn’t posses. It looked almost like she was caught in between dancing and walking. The dress that she wore only underlined the effect. It was a flowing dress, every little crease and shadow seemed to be so precise.

However, somehow it seemed as if the painted version of herself was… somewhat off? Something didn’t quite fit and even though it looked realistic, there was something more surreal about it.

Cosima was glad that her mother didn’t say anything, even though she could feel a tension in the air that gave off how anxious she was about the whole situation. But she just stayed in her spot, standing in the door, watching her daughter closely.

Said daughter now walked towards the painting. As she stood closer to it, around a foot away – after all the paint was probably still wet – Cosima could finally make out what seemed off. The figure of her consisted of tiny spirals and swirls, layered over each other in countless layers. It made its edges blurry and now that she was this close, she could see that it gave them some kind of glow as well. As if she was something supernatural, something like an angel, a fairy…Or a clone., she concluded. The thought made goose bumps creep over her skin.

Finally, her mother broke the silence.

“So, what do you think?”, her voice was low and seemed a little thin. Cosima couldn’t remember that she ever heard her quite like this. Usually, her mom wasn’t a nervous person. She was confident in her abilities without being arrogant. However, she was obviously really nervous right now.

“It’s… It’s amazing.”, Cosima replied. The formulation felt weak, it didn’t even closely describe what she thought about the painting. “I don’t know if I’m too opinionated or anything, but I think it’s your best painting so far.”

“I put myself into it.”, her mom explained. She came inside and placed herself next to Cosima. “I mean, that’s nothing unusual. But this time, I used the parts of me that I usually don’t use.”

Other people would probably think her words to be weird, but Cosima was used to it. And to be honest, she even got what her mother meant by it. Even though art wasn’t really her field. Science was. _Well, maybe that is something I can attribute to my genes. Nature vs. Nurture – 1:0 score. At least for now._

“I also tried to put you into it.”, she continued with a small laugh. “I mean, that’s kinda obvious. But I don’t only mean your outside. I’m referring to your inside as well. Can you guess what I mean?”

Cosima thought about it for a while. However, it didn’t take her long to figure it out.

“You used the golden ratio.”, Cosima smiled lovingly. “Not only to create the whole scene, but every small swirl is a golden ratio, too, right?”

“Yes.”, her mother was obviously pleased. “It was a lot of work, but I think it was worth it. I’ll never forget how I told you about it… And what you said about it.”

“Science quantifies perfection.” Cosima turned and hugged her mother tightly. “Thank you, mum.”

However, she couldn’t shake the feeling that this painting was even more personal and about herself than her mother realized. Because she was, after all, personified science. Cosima was just as much the result of it as someone who lived for the field.

This painting…  
It hit the nail on the head. And her mother didn’t even know.

 

* * *

 

The next day at school felt like utter torture. First of all, there was this really awkward moment, when she introduced Alison to Cal and Scott, who both looked as if their eyes would pop out any minute at the sight of this girl which looked so much like a strange and well-behaved, strict version of the girl they had known all these years. But they instantly believed in the lie Allison and Cosima told them – something about long lost cousins and all of that crap. The whole day went on with the two guys staring at Cosima and her newfound clone-sister, not able to avert their gaze and stop pointing out all of their unbelievable similarities.

And, to make it even worse, she had to endure the pain of two hours Chemistry in which she only managed to stare dumbly at her teacher, not able to concentrate on what she was saying. The only thing that she was able to concentrate on was that damned French accent of hers.

Cosima registered that Dr. Cormier wrote a lot of stuff on the board, something about electrons, protons and neutrons, but she wasn’t able to copy a single thing. She would definitely pull an academic Icarus this year in Chemistry, she was sure of it.

Somehow, the students participated more eagerly in this class than they had before by their previous teacher. Well, not the students in general, but the male students. Even Cal and Scott, Cosima realized. She observed the way each and every one of them eyed the beautiful blonde at the board and she was like 95% sure that all of them were a little into her. This thought made her stomach churn. Even though she had no right to think so, she felt as if the French woman was _hers_ , and _hers alone._

_I should stop clutching to this wishful thinking._

After the lesson, all of the students hurriedly packed their bags and disappeared – all but Cosima, Cal and Scott.

“Why are you so slow today, Niehaus?” Cal asked with a wide grin. “Getting old or something? Maybe you’re transforming into a slug?”

“I think he watched too much Anime again.” Scott said, rolling his eyes. Cal looked at him, with a mocked dramatic expression on his features, before giving his fiend a slight punch in the side.

“How often do I have to tell you that there is no such thing as too much Anime? Just like you can’t get enough of Dungeons and Dragons! Also, I don’t know a single Anime about a girl turning into a slug so. Your argument is totally not valid!”

“Gosh, calm down, you nerds.” Cosima interrupted their childish little dispute. Even though she was used to this, sometimes it was tiring to be around these lovely dorks. “I want to talk to Dr. Cormier for a sec, so yeah. Can you please go to the cafeteria and meet Alison there as planned? I’ll be there soon, promised.”

Scott looked at her, wide-eyed and puppy-like as always. He could be such a baby, but that was also a reason why Cosima liked to hang out with him. “I think she’s a little bit scary.” He admitted shyly. “Also, it’s kinda creepy that you look so similar.”

“Could you please just once to as I say?” The deadheaded girl begged and added with a smile “I’ll come up with an idea to make it up to you, okay? Like, maybe we could accompany Fee to one of the college parties he always goes to?”

Before Scott could say anything, Cal grabbed him by his arm. “Well, that sounds great, our fellow geek. See ya then.”

And before Cosima could add anything else, both of her friends had disappeared through the classroom door and she stood there, left alone with her teacher.  
_I’m not a fan of Taylor Swift,_ Cosima thought with a sudden mix of panic and excitement rushing over her. _But Delphine is totally a nightmare dressed like a daydream. I’m sure of that._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah,this was kinda like a filler episode, I know. And I'm really sorry.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading!!


	5. And It's Even Worse

At first, the blonde didn’t even notice her presence in the room. Her teacher was facing the chalkboard, standing in front of her own desk and going through the papers that lay there. For a moment, Cosima kept silent and just stared at her back, at the mane of blonde curls… She couldn’t help but let her eyes wander across her small waist and beautiful rear.

_Oh god I’m so gay._

She swallowed and cleared her throat before she finally spoke.

“Dr. Cormier. I want to talk to you for a second.”

Delphine darted around, obviously startled by the brunette’s voice.

“Cosima.”, she slipped. Her eyes went wide when she realized her mistake but before a single moment had passed, she corrected herself. “ _Ms. Niehaus_ , how can I help you?”

Cosima found herself hesitating again. Even though she had carefully laid out her words the evening before when she was already in bed and found herself unable to sleep, she didn’t know what to say. The words seemed to have disappeared, removed themselves from her mind which was now impossibly blank again. This always seemed to happen when she was alone with the French woman and it was always overwhelming. Cosima just couldn’t get over how strange it was, for she was usually never at loss for words.

“Uh, it’s just…”, she paused and inhaled deeply. She just couldn’t keep her eyes fixed on Delphine now. If she did, not a single word would come out. “What are you _thinking_?”

“Wait.”, Delphine asked. Cosima didn’t even need to look up from her shoes to know that the blonde woman was cocking an eyebrow at her. She heard steps.

“What are you doing?”, Cosima pressed out in disbelieve when the blonde walked first towards, then past her.

“I make sure that our talk is… private.”, with that Delphine locked the door. “Now, please elaborate.”

“It’s just… I can’t ignore what happened. And you don’t seem to be able to do that either. After what happened the other time that I was here after class… And the friend request. _Delphine, what are you thinking!?_ ”, Cosima burst out. Her voice had gotten louder with each word, she was almost screaming the last part. Her eyes burned slightly. She knew she was on the brink of crying – Cosima was an angry-crier, unfortunately so – and begged that they would stay dry. Delphine probably saw her as childish already, and angry-crying wouldn’t make it any better.

“So we’re back at first names again?”, Delphine snapped back. Cosima couldn’t avert her eyes any longer and now that she was looking up, she could see how close the blonde actually stood to her. And she also saw this gleam in her eyes, something she couldn’t quite decipher.

“ _Cosima?_ ”, she almost spit the name out.

“Well, I’m sorry.”, she retorted, her voice lowered again, almost a whisper now. “But… after what we had, I just can’t stand calling you Dr. Cormier. And now, _please_ don’t pretend that it’s easy for you to see me as Ms. Niehaus! Just tell me, what were you thinking? Were you even thinking at all? Even if what happened would stay a one-time thing, it’s just so inappropriate that you actually added me on Facebook. Did you even _think_ about what could happen if someone notices, huh?”

Delphine bit her lips. During Cosima’s monologue, her cheeks had turned red and now she was the one to avert her eyes.

“Cosima… I’m sorry, okay?”, she pressed out. “It’s just… yes, we had this thing. But it’s like I said, we cannot continue like this… But I somehow cannot stay away either.”

Cosima’s eyes widened. This was not at all what she had expected the blonde to say. She was taken aback by the French woman’s confession as well as by what she felt. Somehow, she kinda had come to think that the night they spend together had just been a usual fling and that she was the only one to see more to it. That she was the only one who pictured it, who pictured them to be more, to become more. That she was the only one lost in a dream that never could ever come true.

“So, what are we gonna do now, huh?”, she huffed.

“I don’t know.”, Delphine admitted and looked up again, a sad smile plastered on her lips. “I mean, I would’ve never even considered you to be a minor when we first met.”

Cosima laughed. But her laugh was bitter.

“I’m sorry about that.”, she returned. “I should’ve probably mentioned that beforehand. Even if you weren’t my teacher, I basically made you commit a crime. After all I’m still illegal and I’m totally sorry.”

“Don’t be.”, Delphine said. Her eyes locked with Cosima’s and she could feel her heart skip a few beats. “After all, I made the first step. And as an adult it was more or less my responsibility to make sure to not have a one-night stand with a minor.”

Now, Cosima’s laugh was sincere.

“Do you believe any of that bullshit that you’re spouting there, Dr. Cormier?”, she asked with a wink. Delphine’s smile turned less sad. Cosima knew that they were both progressively losing the right perspective on this matter. With every sentence they spoke, every moment they spend together, it seemed to get less and less important that they were student and teacher after all. It was dumb, yes, and dangerous. But hell, Cosima couldn’t get herself to care about that. All that mattered was Delphine. All that mattered was this moment. Even though she knew she would hate herself for it afterwards.

“Well, _oui_ et _non_.”, the blonde shrugged. “I try. Really hard, believe me.”

There was a brief pause again before Delphine continued. For a moment, Cosima wasn’t sure if she just imagined the following sentence or not, but she knew as soon as she saw how her teacher’s eyes had darkened.

_“At the moment I try to convince myself that it’s a horrible idea to kiss you.”_

“Well, then stop telling yourself all of this bullshit.”, Cosima retorted. Her voice was hoarse. She hesitated for a moment, than she took a step towards Delphine, than another. Before she could remind herself how wrong this was, she was already in front of her.

“And just kiss me already.”, she demanded with a sudden confidence that surprised herself. But before she could further think about it, Delphine obliged.

Cosima’s eyes slid close as soon as their lips met. Once again, she was taken aback by how soft the French woman’s lips were and how perfectly they fit against her own. She grabbed Delphine by the waist and pulled her closer with a low growl. She could feel the blonde shiver under her touch. The kiss became more desperate with each second and Cosima couldn’t help but moan when their tongues met. They barely touched each other, only teasingly, and it made her remember how that same tongue felt between her legs…

They broke apart for air and just stared at each other. Delphine’s lips were slightly parted; they were glistening with wetness. Even though Cosima hadn’t touched her hair for a second, her blonde curls looked a little disheveled. The chemistry teacher was noticeably out of breath. Cosima wondered if she wore the same expression as her, the same need in her eyes.

Before anyone of them could clear their mind enough to rethink what was just happening, before anyone could say something that would break this moment that they both wanted but knew they shouldn’t share, Cosima kissed Delphine again, even more passionate than before. She let one hand travel down to Delphine’s ass while she buried the other in her mane of blonde curls. She took the lead and shove the taller woman back until she was stopped by a desk and had to sit on it. They broke apart again.

“Cosima…”, Delphine whispered.

“ _Please_ don’t remind me of all the reasons that we shouldn’t be doing this.”, Cosima pleaded. However, she stopped in her movements. If Delphine would say something, if she should tell her to stop, then she would, no matter how hard it was for her. The blonde’s consent was more important than the burning heat between her legs.

“Actually…”, Delphine hesitated with a shy smirk. “I just wanted to say that it’s… hot when you take the lead.”

To that, Cosima only replied with another kiss. She grabbed Delphine’s thigh hard, so hard that she was scared for a moment that she would inflict pain. But the other woman just moaned loud and desperate, which was even more of a turn on.

They continued like this for a while, with Cosima’s hand sneaking under Delphine’s blouse and bra. Cosima took her time, she tried to find out what Delphine liked the most. And according to the blonde’s reaction, she was succeeding. Of course, she had already touched her like this before, but this time was different. This was less sloppy; they were both sober. Each touch was more careful than in their first night together, and it was obvious that these touches felt so much better.

But finally, Delphine shoved her back. She was still sitting on the desk; her hair was a mess now. She was panting heavily, her chest rising and falling again so fast that Cosima couldn’t believe for a moment that she was actually the cause of it. With her slightly opened blouse and this look on her face, Delphine was even more beautiful and even sexier than before. Cosima was sure she would die now because this was all too much.

“We can’t do this.”, Delphine finally spoke. Spoke these words that Cosima didn’t want to hear. “Not here, I mean, and not now. I write down my address. Come by some evening, soon.”

 _Is this really happening?_ , Cosima couldn’t believe her ears yet again. _Did she really just invite me over? Oh my god, this is so_ hot _. And so_ inappropriate! _Fuck. Just say no. Just say no. Just say…_

“Alright. I will. I promise.”

 

* * *

 

 

“What took you so long?”, Scott asked. Well, it rather sounded like an accusation than an actual question. His puppy eyes gave away that he was uncomfortable, which was rather often the case. He wasn’t exactly the type of guy with a lot of confidence or good social skills, so he often felt uneasy around people. Cosima suspected him to have social anxiety, but she didn’t talk to him about it yet. After all, she didn’t want to make him even more uncomfortable.

The cause for Scott’s distress sat right next to him, in a sweater with a blouse underneath, a knee-length skirt and with brown hair that was tied to a ponytail and straight as a pencil. Alison.

“Sorry, Scotty.”, she replied. She was honestly sorry. Seeing Alison again was strange, for all of them. And even more for someone as easily intimidated as Scott. “I talked to Dr. Cormier about the job that I chose for the internship-project. Microbiology and chemistry are its main topics, so I asked her to be my mentor for the project.”

Cosima hated almost nothing more than lying. She was an honest person and she usually prided herself in that. It was one of her few good qualities. After all, she was always late, always smoking pot… Being honest and being curious were her best qualities. And now, she was constantly lying. Lying to her mother, lying about Delphine, lying about Alison… She felt bad about it. However, she was glad that nobody seemed to realize that she was lying. Probably because they didn’t expect her to. It felt like an especially bad form of betrayal to her. But there was no other way.

“Oh, so you picked a company already then?”, Scott was obviously interested and had accepted her apology without further intruding. Even though Cal seemed to notice that something was off. But when she sat down next to him, she just played it off as if nothing was wrong. Hopefully that would work.

“Yeah, the DYAD institute.”, she explained. “I talked to my mum yesterday. She told me that they helped her conceive so they’ll probably recognize my name and take me in easier. At least that’s what I hope for because I’m no good at applications. I had to think really hard in order to write something more than _please hire me because I need an internship and am a giant ass nerd_.”

While talking, she cast a short glance at Alison, who raised her brows as soon as Cosima had finished the statement about her mother. She was sure that her clone would take her aside later because of it. And she was kinda glad about that – after all, she had to tell her about the fact that Felix knew Sarah as well. Also, the other girl probably already had a plan for what Cosima should exactly try to find out at DYAD. She seemed like the kind of person who carefully prepared plans and gathered information. Probably because she was the type of person that would later turn into a soccer mom.

“Wow, okay.”, Scott replied. “I don’t know where I want to work yet. But I figured I’d just apply for a college lab or something. What about you, Cal?”

“I don’t even have a plan on what I want to do yet.”, the other guy replied. “But I think I’ll do something with computers. I like IT stuff.”

They spent the rest of the break chatting about the internship program and what they were planning to do after school was over. They often did that. Actually, they were even planning on attending university together. After all, Cosima, Cal and Scott had been friends since the first grade and they would really miss each other like crazy if they’d lose contact.

Alison kept rather quiet during their entire talk. She only gave one-word-answers, and Cosima wasn’t sure if it was because the girl with the ponytail and the fringe was uptight or shy. Somehow, she found it harder to read her than other people. Probably because her features were so familiar. The girl with the dreadlocks figured that she was maybe too used to them to interpret them. Because after all, she only knew her face from pictures and standing in front of the mirror, so she wasn’t aware which expressions were linked to which feelings. It was kinda like her own face was a stranger to her. The thought gave her goose bumps.

Every time her clone sister spoke, she could see how Scott tensed and Cal’s expression turned into one of slight disbelieve. She wondered if their voices sounded as similar as their faces looked. If so, she wasn’t sure if she liked hers.

They went back to their classes and had to separate ways. Usually, Cosima didn’t like it to be alone in a class without her friends. It felt strange. Maybe because all the other classmates treated her like she had some kind of disease that one could catch only by talking to her, maybe because she missed the sense of security her friends gave her. But today, she was actually glad about it. And she was glad that she didn’t share the class with Alison as well. No one would bother talking to her, so she would be able to let her thoughts roam free.

As soon as she sat behind her usual desk in the classroom, she found herself relieved. No more lying, no more acts to put up, at least for now. However, she still had to fight the urge to search for the little note with Delphine’s address on it in her bag. Of course there was no reason to be worried that anyone would find out about them by just seeing the note – Delphine didn’t need to put her name on it after all – but she was scared that she could probably lose it somewhere. And there was really no use of staring at it anyway. It wouldn’t make time pass faster, nor concentrating easier.

Cosima’s thoughts were a mess. They jumped around in between clones, affairs with teachers and illegal science project and she hated it. She wanted her normal life back. But there was no avail. The Pandora’s Box had already been opened.

 

* * *

 

 

After class, Alison was awaiting her just like Cosima had expected her to. It had been their last class of the day, so now they would have all time to talk about all that there was to talk about. Cal and Scott would probably wonder where she was, for they usually met in front of the building and went to the bus stop together. But Cosima figured that they would survive one day without her just fine.

Without a word, the two girls went to the same spot where they had shared their first talk. Again all the eyes on them were hard to stand for Cosima, even though she was used to being stared at like the main attraction of a freakshow (after all, a lesbian with dreadlocks is really interesting for people, or so it seemed to her at least.) She felt like yelling at them. There was nothing that she wanted to do more in this moment than tell them to fuck off, to mind their own goddamn business and leave them alone. But she kept her mouth shut, well aware that yelling would only make things worse.

Finally, they reached the staircase.

“Oh my god, all of this people staring… It makes me want to poke their eyes out.”, Cosima finally admitted to Alison with a sigh. “Not that I would actually do that, but I think you get what I mean.”

“You’ll get used to it quite fast.”, Alison just blankly retorted. However, her body language told Cosima that she was more relaxed now that they were alone as well. In fact she was sure that she never had seen Alison this relaxed around her before, which was not a surprise at all. They had just seen each other the second time in their life. Even though they kinda saw each other their entire lives as well.

“Is it the same with being a clone?”, Cosima asked. “Because I suppose that part is rather hard. I’m not sure that I have completely realized that this is happening yet. It feels unreal. And it feels like it’s way too big for me.”

“Don’t worry.”, Alison’s voice was soft, understanding. And kind of motherly, in a weird way? It was kinda nice. “It’s hard in the beginning, and it will probably always feel a little weird. But once you’ve accepted it, it gets better.”

“I’m just scared, you know?”, Cosima continued with a shrug. “Because like I said. This all seems pretty big to me. And yet… we barely know a thing. I’m not even sure if I want to know more than what I know yet. I mean, from a scientific point of view, this amazes me. If I wasn’t involved in it the way I am… damn, I would be so up for this all. But I am involved. And I don’t know if I’m ready yet.”

Alison seemed to be taken aback for a moment. She just sat there and silently stared into the empty air before she focused on Cosima’s face again. Two identical pairs of eyes met.

“You are putting too much pressure on yourself.”, Alison finally concluded. Hesitating, she placed her hand on Cosima’s knee. It was oddly comforting. “Just give yourself some time. Cut yourself some slack. You are more than just a clone, than just this. We all are. You have friends, family, a whole life going on around you. Don’t forget about that. Don’t lose focus of what you have and want in your life because of all this. And don’t put your entire energy into it when you don’t want to or don’t feel ready for it. You are under no obligation to do so. And it’s your decision.”

“That’s really nice of you, Ali.”, Cosima smiled. She decided to remember those words. “You’re pretty smart. I’m impressed.”

“Well, same goes for you.”, Alison laughed. “After all, you’re planning on picking a subject with a really high GPA for college. And I guess you’re not the type to dream big when there’s no chance to succeed.”

“Seems like intelligence really is determined by genes.”, Cosima grinned. She crossed her legs to make herself comfortable on the cold stone of the staircase. Alison still sat there, straight like she had a stick up in her ass. They were both so different, yet somehow they seemed like they would get along very well in the future. Cosima really couldn’t say if it was because they shared a secret of because they shared a complete set of genes.

“I wouldn’t say that.”, Alison replied. “I mean, there are lots of us. Just because we’re intelligent doesn’t mean each version of us is.”

“You’re right.” Cosima started to fiddle with her dreadlocks and toll them between her fingers. She liked doing it – first of all because she liked how the strand of hair felt and secondly because this was something that would help with them becoming and staying pretty. “But that’s not important now. I’ve something more important to tell you.”

“More important than the actual proof that we were designed by DYAD without people knowing?”

“Wait… you weren’t sure until now?”

“Well…”, Alison begun. “We knew that DYAD did it, however we couldn’t verify until now that the parents didn’t know. I mean, we can’t even really be sure now. Your mom could’ve been lying to you when she told you.”

“She’s not the type for that.”, Cosima shook her head. “I mean, she’s not really into science. And she loves me so much. She always tells me that I remind her of my father. Which is not possible, I know… But she wouldn’t say that all the time if it wasn’t the truth. Well, her truth.”

Alison didn’t say anything. Her expression changed to something that Cosima would interpret as sadness. She was wondering if she had said something wrong. If she somehow had hurt the other girl’s feelings. Maybe she had just caught a sensitive subject, she wasn’t sure. But she decided she wouldn’t press it any further. Alison would tell her when she felt the time was right, and even though they shared so much, it was only logical that she didn’t feel like this yet. So Cosima decided to switch the topic.

“So, I decided to look at the others yesterday.”, she finally started telling what she had wanted to the entire day. “Just to, I don’t know, convince myself that this is real. That they all look like us. Anyway, while scrolling through their profiles, I noticed something… Felix, my cousin… I think he knows Sarah.”

“Wait, what?”, Alison asked in disbelieve. “I recognize this name. Sarah mentioned it a view times, however she never really told us who he exactly is.”

“So, according to that they must know each other pretty well.”, Cosima concluded. This had all just gotten even more confusing. She would’ve figured that her cousin had probably only met the other clone once before. But knowing that he had more to do with her felt strange. How could he be friends with someone who looked just like his cousin and never mention it to her?

“It seems like it.”, Alison agreed. The vulnerability of her sadness had completely vanished, she was back to her stern and up-tight self. “It’s really suspicious. Are you close with him as well?”

“We’re more like brother and sister than like cousins. So yeah.”

“I’m really sorry.”, Alison sighed. “But this makes me think of him to be your monitor.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, look at that. Another update!  
> I didn't get to read over this one yet but I decided to publish it anyway. So if there were any mistakes, it's because of that. If you notice anything, just tell me and I'll fix it! 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the smutty bit. :)


	6. Home Sweet Home

When she returned home, she found herself to be just as tired as the day before. However, she decided to just prepare herself a cup of coffee and deny herself a nap. Cosima was well aware that she would spend another night lying in bed wide awake otherwise, which was really the last thing she needed right now.

Her mother wasn’t around. Cosima found a little note on the fridge that said something about food inside and her mom visiting an exhibition in a city two hours’ drive away and would return the next day. Her mother was always like that – spontaneous trips to god knows where. Cosima was used to it since she was thirteen and she didn’t mind. It had rather been helping her with becoming independent. Her mom just let her do her own thing and luckily Cosima was the type of person whose own thing was to indulge on her favorite subjects, read novels, listen to music and other stuff like that. She could be a troublemaker too, for sure. But not the type to let things get out of hand.

She was glad for some alone time, but somehow also sad. She had hoped that she would get a chance to see the painting again, this time by daylight, but she didn’t have a key for the padlock. Cosima cursed her mother’s secrecy.

She had spent around an hour talking to Alison. It had been nice to talk openly to someone about at least a part of the chaos that was her life, even though she really disliked how some parts of their talk had finally turned out.

Alison’s suggestion that Felix was most likely her monitor just didn’t leave her alone. It hurt. After all, she had known him for as long as she lived. They had often visited playgrounds together when they were small. She remembered the countless times that they had went roller skating and later on longboarding (well, Felix had only watched because he saw himself not fit for that kind of activity, whatever that meant). And they had been each other’s help all the time. Cosima had been the first person that Felix told he was gay and well, he had been the first person to know that she was a lesbian. And this was another think that had strengthened their bond.

Considering that he was spying on her and had been for a long time of their lives hurt. It was one of the worst betrayals she could even imagine.

While the coffee was brewing, she prepared herself the food that her mother had left her. And really, she was trying to clear her mind off of all this. But there was no use to it. Cosima could feel how it took its toll on her and she didn’t like it.

Soon, she was finished. But today she didn’t feel like sitting on the couch in the living room. It would only make it more noticeable for her that she was alone in this big house again. Instead the girl with the dreadlocks decided she’d just go up into her room, her safe space. She balanced the cup of coffee in one hand, the plate with the lasagna in the other and placed the cutlery in the pocket of her jacket so that she wouldn’t have to walk twice. If her mother were around right now, she’d laugh at her for it. Cosima almost missed it.

Her room was neither large nor small. There was enough space for her double bed, a nightstand, a desk, her wardrobe, a few shelfs with books and a lot of plants without it seeming stuffed. Above her bed hung a big wall scroll, with a mandala print in shades of red and orange on it. She had fairy lights draped around her bedpost, on her nightstand rested a lava lamp. Her walls were plain white, decorated with a few posters and pictures. All in all, it was cozy. And she felt like it fit her. It was the part of the house that felt the most like home.

She turned on some music and sat down on her bed to enjoy her meal. The first bite almost burned her tongue, but it was good food.

When she was finished, she placed the plate on her nightstand and opened one of its drawers. In this drawer she stored all the stuff she needed to smoke weed – a grinder, rolling papers, tips for filters and the tobacco she used. Cosima prepared a nice, well-rolled joint and lit it.

After a few drags, she felt herself relax. Her thoughts stopped running in circles. Cosima could let go off what had been keeping her mind busy for the past days.

She spent her entire afternoon on her bed and just enjoyed reading the novel that she had picked up at the local bookstore last week.

It was around 8pm when she finally had to get up again. Cosima had been so concentrated on her literature that she hadn’t even realized how fast the time had passed. And if it hadn’t been for her growling stomach, she would’ve probably stayed in her place until midnight.

When she went downstairs, she saw her schoolbag again that lay abandoned by the foot of the stairs. Cosima couldn’t help but remember the small sticky note that was somewhere in there, buried in the depths of her bad with Delphine’s address on it. So instead of fixing herself a snack, she ended up digging through the back until she found it again.

She studied the writing for a few seconds, not because of their content though. Delphine had a really beautiful handwriting, it was fleeting but still readable (which was a wonder, actually, considering that she was a teacher with a doctor’s degree after all). It looked elegant. _Just like her._ , Cosima thought. _She moves like a dancer. Which wouldn’t really surprise me, considering that she’s French. I’ll maybe ask her about it._

She took the note with her when she finally got herself to move again. She fixed herself a toast and meanwhile searched for both Delphine’s address and the best way to get there on her phone. To her surprise, her teacher only lived around a ten-minute drive by bus away.

_I really shouldn’t go though. After all, I don’t even know why I took her address in the first place._

However, Cosima just couldn’t convince herself. Not even repeatedly telling herself how much older Delphine was worked. Probably also because she couldn’t say how old the blonde exactly was. Probably around 26 or 25, Cosima figured, which would result in an eight or seven years’ age gap.

 _God, you’re basically still a_ child _compared to her! She already went to school when you were born. Oh fuck._

For a moment she considered texting Felix. But as soon as the thought popped up in her head, she also remembered what Alison had told her at school and decided to rather not do it. Which left her with no one to talk to about it. With not a single person who could help her be reasonable. And damn, it didn’t help that her mind replayed the scenes that happened in the classroom today. Cosima could practically smell Delphine’s perfume again – it was flowery but not heavy. And she could almost feel the warmth of the taller woman’s body pressed against her, the fabric of her blouse and skin underneath her fingers.

 _And so the thirst wins._ , she thought, both bitter and satisfied with herself. _But my situation can’t get worse. It can only go up from here._

 

 

* * *

 

 

She wasn’t really that convinced of it the moment she stood in front of Delphine’s door. At first, she hadn’t really been sure if she was at the right place. Cosima wouldn’t have expected the French to live in an apartment building somehow. Even though she had to admit that it somehow made sense. She was only starting her job, so of course the French wouldn’t be able to afford a house yet. If she would ever be able to do so, for that matter.

However, when Cosima let her gaze wander across the name tags by the door until she found the one that read Cormier, she hesitated. For a moment she was on the edge of turning around, of leaving without ringing the bell. In her head, she planned already how she would try to avoid Delphine at school, how she would leave class even before the other students would… But with a deep breath, she calmed herself again. With shaky hands, she rang the doorbell.

It took a while before the door buzzed, signalizing that she could enter the building. The dreadhead almost overheard it (which would’ve been really embarrassing for that matter). She slowly but steadily climbed the stairs and tried to prepare herself for facing Delphine again. Frankly, the brunette had done so on her entire ride, but she still was taken aback when she finally had finished the last flight of stairs and was met by Delphine.

The blonde woman leaned casually against the doorframe. Cosima couldn’t help but notice that Delphine was even more beautiful than she remembered. She would probably never get used to it.

The blonde was still wearing the same pair of black jeans that she had worn in school. But instead of the blouse, she was just wearing a simple white tank top that hugged her forms delicately even though it wasn’t completely skintight. Its fabric wasn’t even the slightest bit transparent, however Cosima could spot a black strap on her shoulder that looked very promising.

“It’s nice to see you, cherié.”, the tall woman greeted her with a smile that made Cosima’s heart flutter like crazy. “I’m glad that you could make it.”

“Yeah, me too.”, Cosima admitted when she passed her and went inside. Delphine closed the door behind her.

“What do your parents think where you are?”, the French asked. Her voice gave away that she was at least a little anxious. And the brunette wasn’t sure if it was because she was a minor or because she was, well, herself.

“Parent. Singular.”, Cosima corrected her in a casual manner. She often had to explain this and somehow had gotten used to it over the years. Talking about it had really helped her cope with the loss of her father. “I live with my mom, my dad died a while ago. And my mom doesn’t know that I’m here.”

Delphine’s eyes widened. Her expression changed to sadness. The blonde slowly placed one hand against Cosima’s cheek, as if she was testing the waters. _She’s probably a little bit insecure. After all, this is totally different – I’ve never been at her place before._

“I’m really sorry. Je suis desolée.”, the blonde excused herself. The French words were so much more soft and rolled off her tongue. Cosima didn’t knew if she really loved the language or if she was just this amazed by her teacher. But she didn’t really care. “I hope I didn’t touch a sensitive subject.”

They locked eyes again. The dreadhead felt heat rise in her cheeks.

“N-Nah, it’s alright.”, she stuttered and waved the older woman’s excuse off. “It’s really long ago and I coped good so far.”

“I’m glad.”, Delphine grinned. Her eyes were studying Cosima’s face with something that the brunette would interpret as wonder? Amazement? She wasn’t sure. She only knew that no one had ever looked at her quite like that before. Then, her expression turned serious again. “But how does your mother not know about this?”

“Well…”, Cosima begun to explain. She brought her own hand up to her cheek and cupped Delphine’s with it. _Let’s just hope she hasn’t seen how shaky your hands are._ “My mom is an artist. A rather known one actually. Anyway, there’s an exhibition somewhere near here, probably in San Fran I’d guess. She left and will return by tomorrow.”

“Oh, maybe I know some of her works.”, Delphine replied. Cosima could practically see her thinking. “Wait… is your mother Angela Niehaus?”

The French woman sounded honestly impressed. And even though the girl with the glasses was used to this kind of reaction, it was still strange. She found herself hoping that Delphine was different than other people with the matter, though. Many people who knew about her mother either annoyed Cosima with wanting to get to know her or with assuming that she had the same capabilities as her mom. And even though she knew a lot about art and wasn’t bad at painting and drawing herself, Cosima disliked it. She preferred when people saw her and didn’t try to find pieces of her mother in her.

“Haha, yeah, that’s my mom.”, Cosima nodded with a crooked smile. “She’s great, right?”

“I really enjoy her art.”, the French woman agreed with a smile. “It’s different and unique and really beautiful. Just like you.”

The dreadhead didn’t know what to say. How smooth Delphine had delivered that compliment was impressive and Cosima was, admittedly, easily flattered and intimidated by compliments. Probably because she wasn’t used to them. She was an outsider after all – it was, sadly, surprising enough for her to even find a new friend. But to find someone who made compliments like that…

She decided to redirect the topic.

“Uh…”, Cosima started. Delphine’s hand had disappeared from her cheek now, but she was still holding onto it. Even though the blonde made her nervous, holding her hand was calming, in a way. “Do you plan on spending the entire evening in your hallway?”

Delphine laughed.

“Mais non!”, she exclaimed. She turned around and walked down the hallway, taking Cosima with her. “Let’s sit down in the living room.”

Cosima was curious on what Delphine’s home looked like. After all, she didn’t really know a lot about the older woman. Besides the fact that she was most of the time really tastefully dressed. The brunette concluded that her flat might be just as tasteful as her wardrobe. And she was right.

The living room was small but nice, with an elegant grey couch and a matching table. The walls were decorated with framed prints of famous paintings, mostly Botticelli. Cosima could’ve expected that, because after all Botticelli was a master in portraying female beauty.

The light in the room was dimmed and warm, a few lit candles were placed all around the room. On the table, there rested a book beside a half empty glass of red wine. Music was playing as well, Cosima recognized it to be pieces of Agnes Obel. She instantly felt comfortable.

“Feel free to take a seat.”, the blonde said with a smile and let go of Cosima’s hand. “Can I offer you anything? Something to drink maybe?”

The brunette did as Delphine said. She eyed the glass of wine.

“Maybe a glass of wine as well?”, she asked, carefully. She wasn’t sure if Delphine would give her some, though, now that she knew Cosima was a minor. But probably she would, after all they had both been drunk the first time they met.

“You’re cheeky.”, Delphine playfully stated. With one hand, she stroked back a few strands of her that had fallen in her face. “Really really cheeky. Not only do you visit your teacher at home, but you also ask for alcohol?”

“Well, after all you were the one who asked me over, right?”, Cosima retorted with a confident grin. For a few seconds, they just looked at each other. She saw that Delphine was hesitating and insecure about what she would do. “Also, I was drunk when we first met.”

“Alright.”, Delphine sighed with a smile. “But for the record, I’m a responsible adult and it’s not my fault that you’re drinking. Okay?”

“In case anyone should ever find out, I’ll tell them I bribed you to do all of this.”, Cosima laughed. “Sounds great?”

“Oui.”, Delphine nodded. “I’ll be back in a few. If you don’t like the music, feel free to turn it off.”

The brunette used the chance to look more closely at the room. There were many shelfs with books and a small TV as well. Cosima got up from the couch again, her curiosity had gotten the best of her and examined the books. They were neatly organized by alphabet (the names of the authors) and the blonde stored science books and novels in different shelfs. She decided to focus on the science-section. Maybe there was something really interesting in there?

The topic ranged from basic Chemistry, Biology and Physics over to evolution, immunology, microbiology and so on. She recognized a few of the books – she had read a few of them out of interest. But there was a book that sparked most of her interest. _The History and Importance of Neolution._ Cosima suddenly felt strange. She wouldn’t have expected a book like that in Delphine’s private little collection. As far as she knew, Neolution was a topic mainly pursued by DYAD… The brunette was sure that it had a meaning. That there was something more behind it. Maybe there was some sort of connection between Delphine and DYAD? _But it wouldn’t make any sense…_

The girl with the glasses was just about to take the book from the shelf when she heard Delphine’s steps coming nearer. Suddenly, the French woman was right next to her and Cosima couldn’t help to jump at that.

“I-I’m sorry.”, she stuttered. The brunette felt queasy. “I didn’t mean to lurk around or anything.”

“Non, it’s completely fine.”, Delphine smiled softly at her. The feeling didn’t leave, however Cosima threw the thought she just had before out of the window. _There’s no way that she knows about all this._ The blonde handed her the glass of wine. “It’s obvious that you’re interested in science. You’re one of the best students, at least according to your old teacher. He spoke really highly of you. Even though I feel like the whole class is pretty eager to learn.”

“Oh really?”, Cosima was honestly surprised at that. Dr. Nealon had never been the type of person to praise any of his students. He had always seemed to be very bitter and stern. Not like the type of person to be impressed by someone like her. “And well, they’re eager because of you. You’re the hot new teacher. I bet most of the guys would kill a man to bang you.”

“Well, I don’t really care about the reason why.”, the French teacher shrugged. “As long as they participate and end up with good grades, my job is done. Besides, they’re not my type anyway.”

“If I may ask…”, Cosima spoke slowly, carefully laying out every word. “What is your type then?”

The blonde giggled and gave Cosima the signal to follow her back to the couch. They sat down next to each other, turning so that they could still see each other’s faces.

“First of all, my type is mostly female, as you might have guessed already.”, Delphine winked at her and took a sip of her wine. Cosima couldn’t help but marvel at how her delicate fingers cupped the glass. “And secondly, I have a weak spot for cheeky girls like you.”

“That’s a relief.”, the brunette laughed in reply. She had to avoid her gaze for a moment. “I was a tad jealous, you know? I don’t like how they look at you. As if you were just a piece of meat… You’re far more than that.”

“How do you know I’m more than that?”, Delphine asked. She seemed genuinely interested in how Cosima got to that conclusion. They hadn’t really talked a lot since they met. Somehow, Cosima was anxious that Delphine hadn’t said anything as a reply to her comment. When she looked in the blonde’s eyes, it felt like she was looking right into her soul.

“I know, it sounds silly, but I just _know._ ”, Cosima simply said. “I mean, it’s obvious that you’re pretty smart. But I just know that you’re an amazing person as well.”

“Let’s hope you won’t be disappointed when you get to know me better.”, Delphine simply stated. It somehow seemed strange to Cosima. Why would anyone say something like that? It gave the older woman an aura of mystery. And there was nothing that drew Cosima in more than mystery and secrets. She actually found it exciting, interesting. She wasn’t proud to admit that, but she often got bored of people that were easy to read. However, people like Delphine were her biggest weakness. They fueled her curiosity to no end.

“So, does that mean you’re actually planning for this to happen? Just that I got this right.”

“I’m not a fan of flings, if I’m honest.”, Delphine admitted with a shy smile. “I’m not really sure what had gotten into me when I first saw you. I just couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t stay away. It’s the same for me now. And I can’t continue like that, just kissing you – mais, don’t get this wrong, I really like that – without knowing you.”

“Well, I guess that makes sense.”, Cosima barely whispered. Her face had to be deep red by now. Her heart was pounding in her chest. She couldn’t deny that she was happy about how this turned out, very much so. “I feel the same about this.”

They shared a few moments in comfortable silence. It baffled her to no end. Usually, it took the girl with the dreadlocks quite a while to be this comfortable around someone. Usually she had to know a person very well without getting anxious. However, it was different with Delphine. Yes, of course, everything was weird and complicated and not at all how she would’ve imagined it. She barely knew a thing and the French woman constantly surprised her. But it didn’t feel like it. It actually felt like they had been knowing each other for long. She couldn’t quite pinpoint it.

Soon, they resumed talking. About school, about Delphine’s college and childhood in France. Apparently she had only come to San Fran in order to study abroad and somehow found herself unable to return home because she felt so at home when she was finished. They talked about their parents, how Delphine’s mother was a medical doctor while her father was a librarian and how they had ended up together. Delphine didn’t have any siblings, just like Cosima, but had a dog while growing up, named Babou. In return, Cosima told her about her parents, about the new painting her mother had made, about her friends. The hours flew by like this and both of them were content with just talking for a while. They had finished a bottle of wine together, when Cosima finally broke their talk.

“Honestly, I really enjoy all of this.”, she said. The alcohol had given her more confidence and loosened her tongue, however probably not enough for her to make a fool out of herself. Just the right amount of tipsy. “But I can’t help but think about kissing you and it’s really distracting me.”

Delphine laughed and placed her glass back on the table to her right. Without a word, she leaned closer. Their lips met again.

Cosima could taste a mixture of wine and Delphine when they kissed. It was a chaste kiss, actually, unlike all those kisses they had shared before. It was more innocent, even if it wasn’t completely. It was the kind of kiss that made people realize that they were slowly falling for each other.

Delphine gently pulled Cosima closer. They just kissed like that for a while, without the sexual tension that usually dominated their kisses. Then, they broke apart for air.

“That was nice.”, Cosima admitted with a smile. “We should do this more often. I like it.”

“Me, too.”, Delphine agreed. Her hands were still resting on Cosima’s hips, stroking them through the fabric of her shirt. Even though the touches made her whole body tingle, they also gave her a sense of comfort. “I know, this is an annoying question, but when does school start for you tomorrow?”

“My first class is at nine. Why do you wanna know?”

“Well, it has gotten rather late…”, Delphine explained. Her fingers moved faster up and down Cosima’s hips, giving away that she was a little nervous. “And I don’t feel comfortable with letting you walk around alone at this hour. I would offer you to drive you home, but I think I drank too much wine. So, I wanted to ask if you’d like to stay over? I could drop you off at home as early as you’d like me to. You could grab all of your things and even take the bus to school, in case anyone would notice your absence.”

“That sounds pretty great, actually.”, Cosima nodded. She was surprised at how fast they were proceeding. _Well, it’s actually not even that fast. After all we had sex before our first date._ , she thought. _Usual dating rules don’t apply for us._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! And also thank you so much for all of your nice reviews! They make me really happy! Also, I'm glad to see that a view of you also follow my other story. It's nice! 
> 
> Again, if you found any mistakes, just let me know, I'll correct them!


	7. The Epigenetic Influence On Identical Genes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woho, I'm back! 
> 
> This chapter is one of the reasons why this is rated M. Consider yourselves warned.  
> Also, the titel sounds more science-y than this chapter actually is.  
> If you find any mistakes, it's the same as always! Just let me know! :)

„You can borrow some of my clothes to sleep in.“, Delphine offered. “And you can of course have a toothbrush as well.”

“That’s really nice, thank you.”, Cosima replied. It almost felt like The blonde had been prepared for this. She wondered if that assumption was right. She couldn’t help but imagine how Delphine might have stopped at a store after school to grab some wine and a toothbrush. The thought somehow made her smile, even though it was probably not even true. “I might also need to borrow your charger. My phone might die soon.”

“Whatever you wish for, ma cherié.”, the French woman simply said. She was donning a bright smile. A smile that was almost suggesting and gave her words a special light. Cosima’s stomach was fluttering like crazy. It was as if she would just now realize that she was really staying over at Delphine’s place, that she wasn’t just imagining things.

Cosima gently grabbed Delphine’s face with a slow movement, it didn’t take long until she could pull her closer. They were still close from her previous kiss. The older woman’s hands were still resting at her hips. Everything seemed so surreal. Like a dream.

Their lips met again. Slowly, they melted into each other. The only thing Cosima could feel was warmth and some kind of electricity that tingled through her entire body. At first, it started innocent and sweet like their first kisses. They stayed slow, yet they also turned more passionate with a certain desperation that made the brunette’s entire body heat up. They once shortly broke for air, neither of them opened their eyes though because they had joined their lips too fast again. It got more and more intense, and Cosima’s entire body shivered when Delphine moaned into the kiss. She just couldn’t think anymore, here nerves were blank and her senses were in overdrive.

She was sure that she’d melt right in her spot when Delphine pressed her back on the couch while her delicate, long fingers traveled below her shirt and caressed her hipbones. Now it was her to moan, and the blonde woman got more dominant. She slowly let her hands wander further up the smaller woman’s body, the movement made Cosima’s shirt ride up. The air on her skin made it tingle with excitement.

The French woman proceeded to take off her glasses, putting them somewhere on the table.

But no, this wasn’t where Cosima wanted this to go. It was the wrong direction. After what happened at school, she had wanted to take the lead. She uttered a small groan and removed Delphine’s hand from her body. Then, she grabbed her shoulders and shove her back, until they had changed positions. It was surprisingly easy, considering how tall the older woman was, but she probably hadn’t expected that.

They had to break apart from their kiss and now the French woman just lay below Cosima, panting. She looked up at her student with big eyes and strongly dilated pupils. They gave away how aroused the other woman was, and the brunette decided she would take her right now and here.

Instead of kissing her lips again, the girl with the glasses started kissing and nibbling at her teacher’s neck. The blonde started to utter small moans, her hands desperately clutched at Cosima’s back. The brunette grabbed Delphine’s thigh and opened her legs, only to place one of hers between them. The taller woman shivered beneath her.

Now Cosima started to push up the French woman’s top in a hastily movement. She wanted her to know what she had planned, to know what the dreadhead’s intention was. Her delicate fingers had sneaked under Cosima’s shirt again as well, her nails slightly digging into the brunette’s skin.

Finally, the younger woman had pushed up the top so far up that she could let her fingers wander over Delphine’s bra and the exposed part of her breast. She felt smooth fabric and lace before she could feel the other woman’s warm skin. For a moment, she stopped kissing the French woman’s neck and baked away. Their eyes met again in an intense stare. This heat between them was so hard to bare.

“Take this off.”, Cosima commanded. She was surprised at how low and dark her voice was. And there was this confidence again. It sounded like nothing could question her dominance.

Delphine cleared her throat. She hastily got up and took of her top. Cosima had to back away further, otherwise the blonde would’ve maybe hit her. She went to open her bra but the smaller woman’s hand was faster, unclutching the hooks and pulling the straps from Delphine’s shoulders that were covered with small birthmarks.

The girl with the glasses took a moment to admire the French woman’s breasts. She felt a blush creep up her cheeks, but it was not one of embarrassment but of need. It was a burning sensation that made her entire body heat up. Then, she let her hands wander across them. Delphine’s nipples were hardened already and now, when Cosima touched them, the older woman moaned unbelievably loud and had to lay back on the couch again. The brunette grinned and leaned in, kissing Delphine’s exposed chest until her lips found one of the small nipples. The blonde was moaning again and soon one of her hands was buried in Cosima’s dreads, pulling her head closer while Cosima let her tongue wander across the sensitive body part. It was overwhelming. She couldn’t comprehend this.

Soon, Delphine’s body started arching beneath her. The blonde began to grind heavily against Cosima’s leg that was now firmly pressed between hers. The student grabbed her teacher’s ass firmly.

 _“Merde! Cosima!”_ , Delphine desperately moaned and cursed under her breath. “Don’t stop. This is so good.”

Cosima backed away for a brief moment, smiling at Delphine, before she wrapped her lips around the other nipple.

“Oh, _fuck_ , Cosima!”, Delphine cursed again. Then, she pulled the brunette’s head away. “Just…”, her voice was barely a whisper. “Just take me already.”

Cosima smirked and backed away.

“You should try to be more patient.”, she replied. “Maybe I’ll be extra slow just because you begged me now.”

“Cosima…”

“Alright, alright…”, she finally obliged. Everything else would’ve been unnecessarily cruel. She kissed Delphine quickly. The kiss was passionate nevertheless. Then she let her hands travel down Delphine’s freckled body, teasingly caressing her skin until she reached the French woman’s pants. She fumbled with the belt and managed to open it surprisingly fast, trying to pull the garment down in a swift movement. And to her surprise, Cosima succeeded, removing the blonde’s underwear as well.

 _I can’t believe that this is really happening again. And now… it’s so different._ , Cosima thought. She let her hand wander up Delphine’s thigh. The woman with the dreadlocks managed to get a glance down. She was able to _see_ how wet the other woman was. _This is so more intense. I’ll melt._

When her hand finally reached their destination, both of them moaned. Delphine was just as wet as Cosima would’ve concluded after glancing down, but it was so _hot_ anyway. She slowly caressed her teacher’s wet folds, coating her fingers. Then, the brunette finally turned her attention to Delphine’s clit. And she couldn’t believe her ears – Delphine was moaning like crazy… Just like she had when they had sex at the party.

Then she couldn’t take it anymore.

Cosima crawled down the older woman’s body as fast as possible while also not falling of the couch. Delphine didn’t move; the dreadlocked woman wasn’t sure if that was the case because she was anticipating what would happen or because she didn’t have a clue.

Cosima soon had gotten low enough to part Delphine’s legs and nestled herself between them, her lips only a few centimeters away from the blonde’s wet core. She leaned in, closing the small distance and let her tongue dart out, instantly aiming for the spot where her fingers had been before.

The rest happened in some kind of haze. Delphine tasted amazing and the blonde came once even before Cosima inserted her fingers into her. Afterwards, she wasn’t really sure how they managed to stay on the couch and not knocking something from a table. The glasses of wine were not that far away, but while they were at it, none of them even wasted a thought on that.

It was amazing. Intense.

When they were finished, Delphine wasn’t really able to continue her plan. Cosima somehow managed to get her up from the couch and to the bedroom. To her delight, the blonde didn’t bother to get dressed and got down under the covers naked instead. The younger woman happily joined her. They cuddled together closely and talked a little more, about nothing really serious. The conversation was light headed, and they found themselves laughing a lot. There was no way to deny their chemistry. The attraction between them was overwhelming. But it wasn’t just that.

_I think I’ve never fallen so hard before._

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

A while later, when Delphine had recovered a bit – if you could even call it that – she began to kiss Cosima again, passionately and with the same dominance that she had shown earlier. However, it was a lot more loving, too. Cosima wouldn’t be surprised if Delphine had shared her thought earlier.

Soon, all of her clothes were gone. Luckily, because with the blonde’s still naked and warm body pressed against her, moving against her, the fabric separating them felt more like torture with every passing second.

When Delphine touched her, she was sure that she was going insane. The other woman just knew very well how to push her buttons. Cosima found herself moaning incoherently, almost too loud when two of the blonde’s fingers entered her while her thumb was circling Cosima’s clit.

She found herself over the edge before she could even really process that she was coming. And she was pretty sure that she had been screaming Delphine’s name at least once. But oh, she had never been touched like that before. The first time had been still a little clumsier, just as usual – because it just took time to get to know someone else’s anatomy. But damn, her teacher was a fast learner as well.

They had both been very tired afterwards. The blonde had given Cosima the clothes that she had promised her earlier, both of them dressing themselves as fast as they could. First, Delphine went to use the bathroom. When she returned, she smelled of minty toothpaste and didn’t wear any make up anymore. Much to Cosima’s surprise, actually, because she never really realized that the older woman had been wearing more than just mascara in the first place.

“I placed a toothbrush for you in the same cup where mine is.”, the French woman explained groggily. Her accent was stronger now, probably because of how tired she was. It was really endearing. “It’s on the left side of the mirror above the sink, you can’t miss it.”

“Thank you.”, Cosima smiled at Delphine. “You look even more beautiful without make up.”

It was completely true. Now that there wasn’t any make up on her face anymore, the brunette could make out a few freckles covering the French woman’s nose. Her skin looked even softer than before.

“Mais, tu est un charmeur.”, she replied with a wink. “I’ll return to bed now… I’m tired. Also… it will be warm when you join me, ma cherié.”

Cosima was pretty sure that she had never gotten ready for bed this fast in her life before. Delphine seemed to be the cause for many firsts, actually.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

She stared out of the window of the bus. It felt strange to go to school like this, even more because she would have to attend to another Chemistry lesson today. After she had sex with the hot _female and French teacher_. It was just unbelievable. And well, illegal. Not that it really mattered, it wasn’t long until her next birthday and she would be finished with school soon as well. For the time being, they probably just had to be careful.

Cosima remembered how they didn’t really talk about what the previous night had meant after they had gotten up. But she was sure that there had to be at least _something_ , because the first thing she felt waking up where Delphine’s lips on hers, gently kissing her awake.

They had enjoyed a cup of coffee together after getting dressed and eating breakfast. Before they finally left, Cosima accompanied her teacher downstairs for a smoke. Each of them had already taken their bags for the day with them. Before they got in the car, Delphine had carefully looked around and then kissed the brunette again briefly. It felt nice. It felt like something that could become love.

However, that was it. They only talked a view words on the short drive, spending the rest of it in silence. It was some kind of agreement to not talk while driving, it seemed to be a general phenomenon in human behavior. Cosima liked it like this in a way. Even more because even their silence felt so special.

They had reached her place far too soon and she had to leave immediately in order to change before heading off to school. She couldn’t wear the same outfit twice. Also, the dreadlocked girl with the glasses had to open all of the blinds as well. So there had been no time for another kiss.

And now she was sitting here, on her way to school, only three stops away from both Cal’s and Scott’s station. And Cosima wasn’t really sure if she was in the mindset to talk to them.

All that was on her mind was the previous evening, how Delphine’s skin had felt below her hands… How her moans had been so low and lustful, what her face looked like when she came, how she had sometimes uttered French slur’s when she was getting close… But she just couldn’t talk to them about something like that. It would be even easier to explain her friends that she was a _fucking clone_ who was probably watched by her own cousin like a _goddamn lab rat_.

The bus held at another stop. Only two left. She would have to think of something else, something that had no connection to teachers and clones. Something that sounded like a normal life.

The bus took off again.

“Oi, are you Cosima Niehaus?”, a voice behind her spoke. It was just as strangely familiar as it was just strange, unknown. The dreadlocked teen couldn’t deny her confusion. A confusion that soon disappeared when she turned around and was greeted by the strangers face.

She would’ve been shocked if this hadn’t already happened before.

It didn’t even take Cosima half a minute to figure out who the stranger with her face, another clone in her life, was.

“Sarah Manning.”, she just returned. Yes, she was a lot calmer. However, she was still not used to this enough to say something that sounded more intelligent and composed.

“Yeah, that’s me.”, the other girl nodded with a stern face. Cosima found herself in complete awe. Sarah’s hair was a wild mane of curls, cascading down her back. One side of her head was still braided to create the illusion of it to be shaved. In combination with her dark eye makeup, worn down leather jacket and band shirt, she looked both punk and somewhat… dapper, if one could call it that. She was as much the opposite of Alison as Cosima was, just in a slightly different direction. Cosima wondered how they’d get along.

The other girl took the seat next to Cosima.

“We won’t have much time to talk.”, Cosima finally spoke again. Suddenly she was as calm and collected as she needed to be. It felt like she was on autopilot. Surreal. “My friends will get on this bus in two stops. They were confused enough when they met Alison. And I just don’t know what to tell them if they should meet you…”

“Shite. I know, I know.”, Sarah interrupted her rambling. The clone didn’t seem annoyed though, she seemed kind of relaxed. Probably because she had a lot more practice on this kind of stuff. “Listen, I don’t have that much to say. Mostly because I won’t explain anything in depth, I’ll only talk about the important stuff. If you want an explanation, you’ll have to text me for a meeting. I know you have my number.”

The girl with the dreadlocks nodded in response. It seemed like Sarah wouldn’t like it if she’d disagree and as always, she was too curious for her own good.

“Listen.”, the punk girl began. “Alison told me about this connection between Fee and us. And she told me that you two were bot expecting him to be the monitor… right? Well, actually… Fee had known about this for a while now. When I found out about this whole… clone-thing, he was at my place. He heard what I was talking about to Rachel, Of course I didn’t believe her then.

Anyways, he connected the dots. But he didn’t want you to get involved in this. He wanted to protect you.”

“How can you be sure about that?”, Cosima finally said when Sarah was finished.

“I just know Felix, okay? Just like you should, too. And he’s not your monitor. He’d never do something like that.”

With that, the second clone that she had met in her life got up. Cosima watched how she walked over to the door in a relaxed swagger even though the bus was still driving. She couldn’t help but envy her for her grace. She herself was rather clumsy. She wondered if there was a scientific explanation for this. It probably had something to do with nurture. _So now there’s a score of like, when I also reevaluate my old theories… 2,5:0,5 with nurture being a greater influence._ , Cosima thought to herself.

The bus came to a halt. Cosima watched Sarah Manning, the punk, the clone that knew her cousin and even called him _Fee_ step out of the bus. She was lost in thought, simply ignoring the fact that her glasses sat slightly tilted on her nose.

The girl with the dreadlocks finally snapped back to reality when she heard Cal and Scott talking, their voices nearing her seat. Soon her eyes found both of them. Cosima found herself mentally preparing for the day yet again.

_Oh god, what has my life turned into?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this smut. Any advice for writing stuff like this better is very welcome. I haven't written much content like this, not in English or my native language (German) 
> 
> Also... this is how I decided to introduce Sarah! Hope you enjoyed it & stay tuned! Because Cosima is not gonna drop doubting Felix that soon! 
> 
> Sorry for the chapter being this short! Really hope the sex makes up for it smh.


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